Marriage has a life changing effect, to say the least. It is this change that creates everlasting beautiful memories, and also sometimes brings bitterness in life. Effort needs to be put in by both of you to make your marriage a blissful experience. If there is one relation which we think is most prone to fights, it would definitely be the one between a husband and wife! Verbal fights and cold wars are bound to occur when your life and decisions revolve around a person - your spouse. The reasons for the fight can be both petty and serious. Even couples who are married for years fight.
As far as dealing with conflicts is concerned, keep in mind the following fact - You cannot stop fights in a relationship; the best you can do is work to keep them less and healthy.
Reasons for Arguments and Tips to Deal with Them
Conflict Over Decision-making
Who has a say over making decisions is the most common reason that creates tension in a relationship. Each one of us has a mind of our own and view things differently. Similarly, a husband and wife may view issues through their own angle and then make the final decision. There might be two opinions about raising children, hiring a maid or even going to a party, that can lead to conflicts.
Deal with it: Respect each others' decision and think from the point of view of your spouse. Make a decision that will be most beneficial and is also feasible. Keep your ego aside and learn to compromise. It is not always you who is going to have authority over taking decisions. Give each other equal chance of taking joint decisions.
Cheating, Suspicion - Lack of Understanding
Another most prevalent reason for fights is due to unnecessary suspicion. Suspecting and fighting with your spouse, if you do not have a concrete evidence, is the worst thing to get into. This can be suspecting that your spouse is in a secret affair or is cheating over you. Cheating is the worst thing and deserves to be fought upon, but only if you are sure about it.
Deal with it: To avoid getting into such fights you should learn to trust your partner and also give him/her the required space. Trust, understanding and honesty are the building blocks of a marriage and constant fights due to reasons like these shake the sacred institution of marriage. Thus, spend time with one another, learn to give space and last but not least, trust each other.
Lack of Communication
Lack of communication is the prime reason that causes fights in a relationship. A wife expects her man to tell her everything about his day. It is a well-known fact that men are weak in communication. On many occasions, a man is unwilling to communicate or just forgets he has a wife waiting to be heard. This causes fights as the woman feels her husband doesn't want to talk to her and is ignoring her. The man might not feel it is essential to convey every single detail to his wife.
Deal with it: It is again understanding each others needs. A husband should understand that communication is very important for women and same holds for his wife. He should thus make effort to share all his thoughts with her. On the other hand a woman should understand that men sometimes need their own shell and space. It is all about giving each other space and time.
All of us have a picture of an ideal spouse in our mind. And we expect our partner to be like the one we have in mind. We then start building expectations with the expectation that they will be fulfilled. A husband might expect his wife to dress up in a proper way or the way he likes. The woman obviously would not like it. She might expect him to help her with the mundane household chores, about which he might be reluctant. Having such expectations from your spouse can lead to unnecessary conflicts in the relationship.
Deal with it: Accept your partner the way he/she is and do not keep undue expectations. Again, I say it, talk it out with your spouse. Respect his/her individuality and if there is anything that is really annoying and inappropriate, talk about it in a polite way.
Very often, there is slip of the tongue and some words get said that should have not been said. Moreover, if they are said publicly, it adds to the fire. When a husband scolds his wife publicly, she may get angry and also vice versa. This leads to a long verbal duel at home or in the public.
Deal with it: This often results because you do not know what your spouse likes or dislikes. So for a healthy and happy relationship, control your moods, and try to avoid getting into a behavior which your spouse does not like, at least in his/her presence.
Differences Due to Upbringing
Each of us has a different family environment and feel comfortable if we follow the same routine activities. For a newly wed couple, the wife might not like some things in her new environment and may object. This pinpointing of wrongs in his house might anger the husband, leading to fights. Conflicts due to such reasons are common in couples who have married out of their religion.
Deal with it: Learn to honor each others upbringing and habits. If there is something that you do not like about your partner, convey it to him/her politely rather than making a big fuss out of it. Marriage is sharing your life with your partner and to make it successful, you should learn to compromise on issues you like or do not like.
Relationship with In-laws
Women, and men too, are not known to get along very well with their in-laws. This does not hold true for all, but differences might crop up if either of the spouse is finding it hard to gel with the in-laws. There are many men who do not like to compromise, and take the presence of in-laws in the house as intrusion. There are also women who are unwilling to communicate with their husband's relatives. A woman might feel her husband gives more time to his relatives and ignores her. Issues like these can also make a couple fight.
Deal with it: Remember, it is true that you have made the person your partner for life and not the family. But also remember that your spouse has grown to be the person you love, because of the same people - your in-laws. Thus, respect your partner's family, understand them and enjoy with them. For achieving a healthy balance you should spend quality time with both your relatives and your in-laws.
Fights are imperative to occur if the wife is a spendthrift and the husband a miser (even vice versa). This is altogether a wrong combination and the relationship will witness many ups and downs. Money issues do lead to conflicts as the wife buying something might be commented upon as 'wastage of money' by the husband.
Deal with it: Understand the significance of following a budget. If you are a spendthrift, spend, but only if you have enough money in your savings account. Chalk out a plan and discuss your joint earnings and all about how you would like to spend it with your spouse.
Mentioned above were some of the common causes for conflicts between a husband and a wife. There are many other reasons that can bring sourness into the relation. Fights due to moody issues, lack of sexual satisfaction, boredom, difficulty to get along due to different personalities and what not. Fights, to a certain extent, are healthy for a relationship, but serious and everyday fights are not good for a happy home environment. Also, when you are in a heated temper, make sure your kids are not exposed to the fight.
So, if you are facing trouble in your married life, before thinking of taking any serious decision like divorce, take some time out and ponder. Your marriage was a commitment you had made to the other person, willingly. You have also had wonderful memories with the other person. All you need is a bit of everything - love, understanding, comprise, forgiveness and some effort to recreate the lost magic. All the best and wish you a happy married life!