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Differences Between The Boy You Date And The Man You Marry

Differences Between The Boy You Date And The Man You Marry
We've all been there: left out alone in the parking lot because your boyfriend forgot that you were supposed to go with him and his friends in the car. It feels horrible, doesn't it? But the boy you date is so different from the man you will marry (if you are the marrying kind). Fret not, you can still learn the differences between the marrying kind and the kind you run a mile from.
Roma Dar
Last Updated: Mar 10, 2018
Caution: Proceed with Care
First off, let us clarify (for those of us girls unfortunately prone to kicking Mr. Right to the curb), that you cannot evaluate people based on two points from here just after you met the guy last night while puking outside the club. (Whether he called you a cab or laughed at the funky color of your .....regurgitations..... remains to be seen).
Give him time to open up if you have entered into a new relationship and are keen to see where it goes. If he wants to, he will soon show himself to be the man he is when he realizes what you are. Remember, he is similarly evaluating you at the beginning just like you are evaluating him. Do NOT make snap decisions and screw yourself of a chance of a happily ever after.

No two Men are Alike
Do not fret if the man you are interested in does not fulfill all the qualities listed here. He cannot be perfect. Some men are very communicative and cooperative, whereas others need to be coaxed. Some may not always have a plan B in their lives, but that does not mean they are lazy in trying to achieve plan A. Some instinctively know what you want, but some cannot fathom what it is you are desperately going on about. Some will be more available for you depending on their timetable, but others not so much, because they're in urgent need of money and need two jobs to keep themselves and you afloat. There is no magic trick to identify which one is the right frog to kiss, but do remember to give them a fair chance when the criteria you use are more fit (when all are applied together to the same person) to be applied to Princes and Kings of the fairy tales you heard as a child. When you do, apply your imaginative powers and go ahead dream of the babies you will have!
Dater vs. Marry-nator
Too Busy or Just Right?
Man avoiding lady
The little boy you're currently la-di-dahing over is too busy picking his nose to meet you when you are finally free of your domestic/office responsibilities. You can shout and stamp your feet all you want by justifying how you have a real job and how picking your nose doesn't exactly count as being busy, but he just won't get it. He will not be available when you want to meet, but will force you to come meet him at his favorite Snack 'n' Shack while your boss is yelling down the office.
The man you marry will be busy doing something productive, but rest assured he will make all possible, genuine efforts to meet you as much as you both can manage, whether it is a date or just a walk around the park. He can hold his own when you refuse to meet due to other commitments (whether work or a girl's night out) without getting cranky and throwing a tantrum. You won't always find him available at your beck and call but he will be when your busy schedule can finally match.
Plans for a Future, Aspirations and Self-Sufficiency
Your little boy toy will play around with whatever future he has, and if you see him boozing every weekend on daddy's money, run far, far away even if this is a temporary relationship, because you do NOT want to end up like him. Question him about his future and gauge his aspirations and five-year plans. Can he take care of himself and manage his bank account? Can he cook in case he needs to?
Inspired and ambitious man working
The man you aspire to marry will have more or less everything planned, and if they don't work, he will work something out if he is not the type to have a plan B. He will not pout when you're ill and he has to cook, but neither will he force you to cook daily just because "it's your job". You do it yourself or don't. He will have passions and hobbies he has always pursued, and also have his eye on that corner office he would love to have. He is an individual who knows what he wants.
Your Family and Friends
You go to your date telling him about your aunt Isabella Earnshaw (hint) suffering domestic abuse, and he yawns and changes the topic? Hell naw, girl! Unless you're ALWAYS blabbing about how weird/depressing your relatives are, learning listening skills will not kill him. If you're always running to meet his family/friends but he repeatedly avoids yours, and you especially feel repulsed at the thought of him meeting your dad, drop him hard.
Man and wife having a meal with in-laws
The man you marry should be able to introduce you to his own family, plus be eager to get to know yours, (no matter how roly-poly Uncle Barry dances drunk at weddings and Christmas). Mr Perfect won't be perfect, but he will surely help you solve the problem if Aunt Isabella Earnshaw née Linton approached you with her issues and you need some advice. Most of all, he must respect your side of the family, as should you respect his.
His Morals
Whereas the boy you date will not have the same values or morality that you do, he won't even mind breaking his own principles in order to achieve some temporary evil. If you are aghast at the way he talks to his own mother, you won't believe how he will talk to you a few years down the line.
The guy you marry will by default have to have a moral compass that reflects or complements your own, and would probably make you a better person down the years. You'd make a formidable pair in a few years, not to be messed with but also not ones to mess with another, either. He will try to be more or less consistent in his behavior and show integrity during rough times.
Through Thick and Thin
Some people run at the sight of problems. The boy you date will be one of them (and a problem). He will do whatever it takes to be with you while you are cheerful, but the minute you are "monsterating" (a term he probably heard and loved on prime-time telly) he vanishes, telling you to control your PMS and that it probably doesn't exist because you're acting out. You always have to be decked up like a Christmas tree for King Arthur and the smallest hair on your lip will turn him off.
Man with partner in hospital
You can rest easy knowing that a man who truly loves you will not leave you out in the lurch, doing everything in his power to at least minimize your pain if he cannot directly help you. He will accompany you when you need to urgently visit a doctor for your PCOD. He knows your weight is not your personality. A person who does that for you is to be respected and valued, and reciprocated for.
Young boys will tend to concentrate on their own needs and fulfillment first. Yours come next (if you are ill-fated, last). He will say he loves you because at the end of the day, he wants someone to put his arm around. But you're not arm candy. If he can tell you about his friend's exploits, so can you tell him about yours. From deciding when to eat right down to who finishes first in bed, all choices are his without any consideration for yours. This is not a two-way street.
The first thing to hit you in the face when you are with a gentleman is that he will not hesitate to ask you your opinion about things or tell you to shut up about your boss because he wants to eat his dinner in peace. His own needs as well as yours will figure high on his list of priorities; it will be a two-way street with him.
Things You do when You Meet
Couple in bed together
To put it plainly, a lot of boys you date will be preoccupied with sex. If you find that each time you meet that's all he initiates, and acts all cutely disappointed whenever he cannot get an opportunity, be sure he's in it for just that. A relationship that is based on sex will never go anywhere, nor will your own sexuality be satisfied with him. Run if you want a relationship and all you got was hook ups.
When you finally meet the marrying kind, you will be surprised to find that you can do other things alone besides the obvious merry-making. He understands that a relationship is more than just being there for each other's pleasure, and that sometimes both of you just need to chill and watch a House, M.D. marathon or go to the movies to really watch that amazing sequel that you both have been waiting so long for.
Mature Problem Solving
Couple arguing
Okay, when it comes to arguments or solving issues, the boy you date will flat out try to avoid one by hiding in the bin or under furniture or under momma's apron. Next up, if confronted by some miraculous deux ex machina, he will blatantly avoid the topic unless he is cornered into a shout-out where you are ultimately losing your patience and your voice, after which he will proceed to call you silly names and call you crazy, like he did when he was playing in sandboxes at the age of 3.
Insecurity will not be a problem with a confident man who is mature enough to not run from a serious discussion. He knows the rules of fair fighting and will never resort to mind games and name-calling in order to get you to comply with his demands. He wouldn't dream of keeping you guessing about where the relationship is going by telling you exactly what he needs from the relationship. Neither will he pick uncomfortable, aggressive arguments in a misunderstanding with the waiter.
Listen closely to the apology you receive in case the guy does something wrong. If there is any need for you to beg him to apologize (when he's wrong) in the first place, you're barking up the wrong tree. The boy you date will not hesitate to apologize if he wants you to shut up and let him play his video games. There usually will not be any feeling attached to it and you will immediately feel it. He does not apologize for hurting you, but will do so for tiding things over.
Someone who genuinely loves you will try not to hurt you repeatedly. If he does, you will definitely hear the sincerity in his voice because he is genuinely sorry about having caused you trouble. Amends will be made and tried to not be repeated by this sincere person.
Feeling Secure in your Relationship
Woman worried and binge-eating
Do you remember those long hours of self-torture eating cookie dough ice-cream wondering whether he's just not that into you? Well, you wouldn't need to do it in the first place with someone who made you feel secure and confident that he definitely is not screwing with you. Some of us lady-folks might go a bit overboard though. Learn where to draw the line and about whether to worry or not. But trust your gut.
A boy would be completely okay with telling you that you're out of your mind along with a few choice witticisms if you think he isn't committed enough, but a man will sit you down and address the problem. You will not have to continuously worry about his being true to you when he's out with friends, because you will trust him.
Remember: The Type You Choose after Years of Dating Reflects on You
Everything set aside, you need to also remember that not all boys will remain complete warts on the planet (the same holds for girls). Some will definitely grow up to be decent, civilized human beings worthy enough for someone else to marry. Consider yourself a stepping stone for them, that helped them on their tough path to maturity.

If you learn to love yourself, you will not really put up with people who cannot love you. If you consistently keep ramming into multicolored cartoon versions of men, it is possible something about you attracts them. Take a break, go to Hawaii or Timbuktu, and think about yourself. Is it daddy issues or are you just immature? Are you insecure in yourself or are you just tired of relationships? Do you know what you want from your man in the first place? Take a look, and get back on track if you've let some Mr Rights zoom by in their sports Mercedes. With the right luck, a little good sense and some self-respect, you should be able to differentiate between the man you can marry and the boy you simply MUST not for the sake of your own sanity.