Compromise, if not the spice of life, is its solidity. It is what makes nations great and marriages happy.
- Phyllis McGinley
- Phyllis McGinley
Over the years, you must have read and heard a lot about compromising with your better half, and meeting somewhere in the middle. You would totally agree that if the situation gets out of hand, establishing a common ground is the way to go. But, do you wonder about where to draw the line in compromising if stuck with a partner who pays no heed to your needs.
Most couples would agree that the love portrayed in books and on TV is quite different in real life. An ideal relationship requires a lot of work and compromise - from both sides.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is a big 'ME' and not 'WE', and treats you a like doormat just because you are soft-spoken and don't argue much, it is about time to pull up your socks. We are not hinting about a breakup, just some suggestions that would help you draw a line on compromising.
How Much Compromise in a Relationship is Healthy?
No one, including your partner, has the right to destroy your personality, dreams, and wishes. An ideal partner accepts your aspirations, appreciates them, and encourages you to fulfill them. If you think you have to give up on something that is extremely important just to fit in his/her lifestyle, then you are compromising too much.
All of us have been in a relationship where things are going faster than we assumed. Your significant other plans a weekend at his/her parent's place, talks about moving in after two weeks, your friends become his/her friends, and suddenly he/she starts drawing plans about the wedding and your unborn children.
Hit the brakes now, because this is too much to take. Have a nice chat with him/her, and explain your vision for the future. It is completely appropriate and essential to express your opinions in certain cases before it is too late.
Sorting the F-R-I-E-N-D-S equation in a relationship is extremely important. You aren't compelled to like each other's friends, and there shouldn't be any issues as long as they are healthy friendships and add something positive to your life. Even if he/she disses certain faces in your social circle for petty reasons, there is no need to alienate them.
Giving up friendship in this case might seem the easy way out, but in time you will start to resent your partner for pressuring you to sacrifice important relationships.
Money matters should be handled with care, and tasks such as paying bills, buying regular stuff, splitting rent, and daily additional expenses should always be 50-50. You have the right to know how and where your money is getting spent. Also, if he/she demands total control of your finances, it is definitely time to speak up.
You should be with someone who reciprocates your love and will be there for you. Instead, you end up with a nut case who treats you like a punching bag. Breakup now, because this is a big mistake and such relationships are filled with resentment, anger, and unhappiness.
No matter how dysfunctional or irritating your spouse's family is, never advise him/her to give up on them. Asking your spouse to cut of all ties from his/her family is plain selfish and he/she might later blame and resent you for the loss of family relations. When it comes to families, both need to accept them with all the flaws.
Compromise is a two-way street, and both need to cover an equal distance to meet somewhere. You just can't make someone compromise always, and you should never do it yourself. It doesn't work that way, it never has, and it never will.