We grow up hoping to find someone perfect. Someone with whom we can walk away into the sunset with and live happily ever after. Sometimes we do find them (in varying degrees of perfect or imperfect) and there is the walking into the sunset done as well... But the 'happily ever after' might not really follow. When people bound in marriage, start living a real relationship with the significant other―a real person with a real personality, traits, quirks, and behavior, they realize that sometimes, unfortunately, two people cannot make a marriage last, for several reasons of their own.
That is when a relationship breakup, in the form of a divorce comes through. Yet no matter how much one prepares oneself for the inevitable split, there is truly no way of knowing what is to follow. Understanding what divorce involves, and more importantly, how to cope with it therefore becomes important to learn so that one is better able to face the stress and trauma that is to follow. In the following sections, we will look through some of the ways of how to cope with divorce and how to move on in life, allowing happiness to re-enter.
A divorce, when it happens, not only affects the couple that is separating, but everyone else that is a part of the couples' lives. If there are children born of that marriage, then the divorce has a severe effect on them as well, which goes without saying. How to cope with a divorce that is your own or of someone close to you, is what the remainder of this article will focus on.
How to Cope through a Divorce
It feels like you're never going to be whole again, like you've broken in so many pieces. There is so much hurt and stress engulfing you that you don't feel like yourself... that is what most divorces will do to you. Most divorces end on a bad note and leave you with doubts.
Feel the Pain...
Feel the pain, stress, anguish, frustration, loss, grief, anger, hate, and all the other myriad emotions that come with a divorce. Understand that these are going to be around and that you have to face them. The more you run away from them, the longer it'll take for you to come to terms with what has happened.
Give it Time
Give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened. The healing process for a marriage breaking cannot be timed. For some, the healing might take place faster, for others, it might take a really long time to achieve some normalcy in life. It is also important to understand that it's a stressful time for you and that it is bound to affect your work. Learn to pace yourself.
Bank on Emotional Support
You've gone through a very difficult time that has left you feeling lonely, empty, and in a vacuum. You have suddenly been taken from the routine that you were used to and put into an unknown territory, where you aren't sure about anything yet. This is not the time to be alone. Count and bank on family and friends to be around for you. They know what you're going through and are there to help. Talk to them and share your feelings. That will help. Get yourself a counselor if you feel that you aren't able to deal with the pain and emotions effectively.
Distracting oneself with things and hobbies helps one to get away from the pressure that one consciously/unconsciously puts on themselves. The pressure of dwelling on things of the past, thinking of happier times, 'what ifs', and why marriages fail is in no way going to lead to any good. If not anything else, it is just going to delay the healing process. A great way to distract oneself is to get busy. Take up all the things that you like doing; it could be anything like trekking or dancing. The emptiness that can overwhelm a person can be very stifling. Taking up hobbies will also slowly help you gain your confidence back and be in a better position of your life again.
Focus on Positives
Yes, you've gone through a rough patch in life. But you cannot keep dwelling on it because that is just going to be detrimental for you itself. So what do you do? Learn to focus on the positives in life. Think of people who face worse hardships in life―your sorrows will fall into perspective. Gain mental strength through prayers and meditation (or whatever other form that you draw strength from).
Care of Kids
When a child witnesses his/her parents splitting up, it can lead to some very trying times in his/her life. How their divorce affects children is something that the parents need to understand so that they can help their kids get through and deal with the trying times effectively. Do not ignore and forget your kids in your own grief. Learn to be there for them physically, emotionally, and financially because they themselves are going through their own hell. You need to help children cope with divorce by talking to them and aiding them through the process.
How to Cope with Parent's Divorce
Watching ones parents' getting divorced is something that can lead to a lot of emotional trauma and stress in a child. The feeling of being without a support system can be crippling and have far-reaching effects on a child's psyche and behavior. That is why learning the varied methods of coping with a divorce becomes important for children. Here are some steps to help you with the same.
Don't Play the Blame Game
Some children convince themselves of the fact that their parent's divorce is somehow their fault. The stress and guilt that they feel due to that is something that can have a very crippling effect on them. It is important that they speak to their parents about these feelings and get this out of their head. The aspect of children and divorce can get to be a tangled web of emotions and to be aware of this is very important, so that one learns how to cope with it.
Talk to Others/Keep Busy
Don't go through this difficult time alone. Be with friends and family and give yourself the grieving time. Talk about your feelings, and you'll see that it has a cathartic effect on you. Keep yourself busy with school and work activities. This helps to keep your mind off things and helps in the healing process.
Dealing with Parents
Do not get caught in the middle of your parents or it will only be more stressful for you. Deciding to divorce was your parent's outlook and dealing with its consequences is their outlook, as a result. Let your parents deal with their own problems amongst each other without using you as a middleman. That will be stressful for both, you and them. Be there for them, no doubt―you have the right to be in touch with both parents. In fact, you'll find that talking to each parent helps in the healing process. You need that emotional support in life and nothing or no one can deny you that. But make sure that they aren't bogging you down. You have to be able to carry on with your life. Make sure that is happening.
This brief outlook on how to cope with divorce was an attempt to help you gain some perspective and direction in the healing process that divorce involves. It might sound like I'm trying to make it seem so simple, putting it all out on a piece of paper like this, but believe me, I'm not. I cannot imagine how tough it is to go through something like this, but the point of the matter is that the cards have been dealt and you have to play them. Then why not play them with a force like no other? To emerge triumphant and happy through it all? And a conviction that the hurt will ebb away and order will be restored once again? Maybe that is the best way to cope with divorce.