She wakes up in the morning wondering how everything went wrong. How she let him go without a fight. How the seemingly small misunderstanding was allowed to take on such an ugly turn and a divorce followed as the only solution. Then she thinks about how good their relationship was, what each meant to the other and how she misses him everyday. The anger is gone, the bitterness in the heart has faded, the relationship issues seem trivial when compared to the enormity of life, and the only recurrent thought that keeps lingering in her mind in all the waking hours is how to get back with him.
There could be several reasons for why you separated―abandonment issues, misunderstandings, infidelity, among others. This article does not hold the capacity to delve deep into every convoluted twist and turn that relationships invariably bring with them. But it will definitely try and touch upon a few important topics and help you through this tough and confusing time.
There is no hard and fast rule or a formula/chant/magic potion, relationship advice or tips to get back with your ex-husband even, those which will guarantee his return and you two getting back together. Wanting him back needs you to first and foremost draw into yourself and introspect―why do you want him back?
Show Me the Love
Love. Cause that is what is important, isn't it? You need to still love him, only then will it be justified for you to be putting yourself through the torture of questioning and contemplating about the situation at hand. If you only want to get back because it has become a habit to share your lives together or because you feel weak without him or because you are bored of dating again or for some other reason that has got nothing to do with love, then let me stop you right there. That is not why you should get back with him. If you give in to any of the reasons mentioned above, it is not going to help. Unless you solve the real underlying issues, they are bound to be back again and come back to trouble you in the same way as they did before.
Talking Solves Things
Once you have realized that you really do love him and that you are ready to work on the issues that drew you guys apart, talk to him. I'm not saying it'll be easy, far from it actually. If the reasons were so strong that it led to a relationship breakup, separation or a divorce, then raking those topics and scratching a healing wound is bound to be tough. But you need to try. So don't stop at only trying―do whatever it takes. Forget your ego and be persistent in trying to talk things through to solve the matters. Suggest meeting up with a counselor if the two of you meeting in private is getting to be hostile. Really talk it out. Let there be a clear communication channel made, promise that you won't let things build up, but rather will try talking with the other to find solutions for the issues. Talking will lead you to some solutions, it will clear out misunderstandings, and help you re-build a strong base.
Changing from Within
Is he the only one who should be blamed? It takes two to tango, right? So the onus is equally yours, isn't it? (provided of course that there are no issues of infidelity involved. That again leads to a completely different direction) What then? Change yourself. Not like a drastic personality makeover that borders on fake, but looking inwardly to find what are some things that you can improve about yourself. Are you rigid, insecure, emotional, egoistic? These are some of the things that can definitely act as barriers when two people are trying to build a relationship (which is what you're basically doing). I know it's easier said than done, but it will really help if you can set these things aside and approach your relationship as a more mature, understanding person. This will help you to not only grow as an individual, but also help you re-build the relationship because he will like the change in you, of how you're a calmer, more understanding person, and he will want to leave his hostility behind as well.
Once you've re-built a rapport and been able to become friends with him, try and hint that you want to get back, see how he reacts. It is not necessary that he'll be on the same page as you are at the same time. Give him time but don't nag or stalk cause nothing will put him off and drive him further away. If you really do want it to happen with all your heart and the purest of intentions, then getting back with him will simply follow. You just need to decide.