How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship

Puja Lalwani Feb 15, 2019
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You sense that you're losing control, that you have no say in any aspect of the relationship anymore. Your partner dictates the terms, and you are forced to follow them. You are in an abusive relationship and you finally realize you must get out. How? Here's something that may help.
Abusive relationships are extremely common, but not many have the courage to express that they are being abused. The person abused could be a man or a woman, though the common perception is usually of a woman being abused. In either case, the abuse could be physical, sexual, verbal, and mental.
Being a part of an abusive relationship is never bearable, yet something keeps the abused hanging on to it. Some ray of hope, some belief that things will be different soon, or the fact that the abuser her/himself is holding on and not letting go, are all factors that keep a person from getting out of an abusive relationship.
Unfortunately, these things do not change so easily. These are characteristics that become ingrained, and give a sense of power over the significant other in the relationship. Abusers get used to this kind of power and find giving it up very difficult. Some don't even consider it.
So how do you get out of an abusive relationship? You know you are being abused in some manner, you know you must leave, but how do you go about the process? What should you do to leave without a sense of guilt or the need to go back to your partner? Here are some tips that may help you take the decision.

How to End an Abusive Relationship

When you decide that you must get out of a relationship where you have only suffered abuse and nothing good has come of it, you are likely to be held back by a lot of factors.
  • It may be guilt, because you may think you don't have the courage to face what life is throwing at you.
  • It may be guilt, because you may believe that your partner needs help and you are the only one who can give it.
  • It may be the emotional attachment in the relationship that still binds you to your partner, and the fact that you overlook the abuse you are receiving in return.
  • It may be that your partner has forced you to believe that you are the reason that she/he is forced to behave in the way she/he does.
  • You may be financially dependent on your partner.
  • Finally, your partner may have promised time and again to change, but never really made an effort in that direction.
Among all this, the bottom line still remains that you are a victim of abuse in a relationship, and the only way to end it is to get out of it, no matter what holds you back.

Accept that you are in an Abusive Relationship

The beginning of the end of an abusive relationship is acceptance. Accepting that you are being abused, that there is no way things will ever change, and that you deserve a respectful life and relationship, marks the start to a better life.
Now, with a battered self-esteem and the sheer anguish that you experience perhaps on a daily basis, accepting something like this is going to be difficult. However, you are going to have to work on this yourself, and bring your real self to the fore. You are not a person who will tolerate abuse for nothing.
You are not someone who'll be helpless at the hands of someone who has to use physical strength to show who's the boss; you don't deserve to be treated like this, no matter how much your partner holds you responsible for your own state of affairs. Keep repeating these points to yourself and build up the courage you need to accept your current situation.

Inform Someone you Trust

Taking such major decisions alone is positively difficult. If you find yourself alone, contact someone you trust who may help you. On the other hand, if you are a person who knows someone who is a victim of abuse in a relationship, try to do your best to help that person out.
Something as simple as getting accommodation for a few days until you find your own, getting some kind of financial help, or simply getting the support you need to take such a decision, are things that will matter when you finally leave. Some people have just woken up one fine morning and left their homes and partners with nothing but clothes on their back.
However, they have survived. So will you. If your partner is someone who can be dangerous enough to hunt you down and take you back, make sure you inform the police about it. If you can't do it yourself, ask someone else to do it.
But make sure it is done. It is definitely a big step, but one that is necessary so that you can bring back your life and yourself to a situation of normalcy. Make sure you have made alternate arrangements for yourself before you walk out of this abusive relationship.

Be Just a Little More Patient

When you have lasted this long, hang on just a little more before you actually get out. You have to gather every bit of strength you can to endure this misery just a little longer so that all your arrangements have been made before you actually leave. Yes, it is difficult to hang in there, but it is also difficult if you walk out with nowhere to go.

Muster your Courage

While you are gathering every bit of strength you have, also gather every shred of courage that you can to get out. You may feel guilty about leaving your partner to deal with his own trouble, but remember that you made all the effort you can to change things. You obviously did not just sit there and take all this abuse.
You tried, but nothing worked; and when this stage arrived, you decided to leave. Don't be bogged down by what your partner may be saying to you, or what your conscience may be feeding you. Overcome your fear and always tell yourself that you are entitled to a respectful life. The more you keep repeating this, the stronger you will find yourself.

Leave

It is finally time to leave. They say that prolonged agony makes a person reach a stage where nothing else can make a difference. You have probably seen it all, and nothing more can affect you now. Once your alternative arrangements are made and you have decided that you are going to get out of this abusive relationship, do it.
Whether you want to tell your partner and do it, or you want to get out without informing her/him is your choice. Only you can tell how she/he will react to this situation. Whatever it is, you cannot cower out now. Getting out is the only way to getting back to a normal life.
Now, getting out of an abusive relationship is probably not as simple as following some steps as listed here. With all the trauma and the stress you are undergoing, following such an organized manner of walking out on your relationship may not be easy.
However, it does give you a general idea about getting through the entire process, and no matter what your approach to the situation is, you will hopefully derive some strength from the aforementioned advice.
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