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Get Out of the Rut, Start a New Future - How to Let Go of the Past

Tilottama Chatterjee Apr 21, 2019
Sometimes, circumstances can leave you reeling, unable to move beyond the grief or anger they leave you with. Learning how to let go of them can help you get out of the rut you're stuck in.
Letting go of the past can be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Death, divorce, breakup - these are all difficult situations to deal with. The grief, betrayal, sorrow, and anger that accompany them can all be very consuming, so much so, that instead of moving past them, you find yourself being dragged under.
Living in such moments is a way of escapism, a way to avoid facing reality and the hardships that come with it. Grieving the loss of a loved one is a natural process and one that you need to deal with, because with it, will come acceptance and the ability to move on. Life teaches us many lessons and how to let go is one that you must learn.

Letting Things Go

Failed relationship? Welcome to the club. Nothing can jolt you into reality more than having the rug pulled out from under you. The time when you realize that your partner isn't in the same place, doesn't want the same things, fell out of love, or the worst of the lot, still wants to be friends, you may have seen it coming.
You may even have been the one to decide to call things off, but no matter how logical is the decision and how ready you think you are, getting over a broken heart is tough. You may still find yourself bursting into tears at the sight of an old T-shirt, a toothbrush, or memories that just don't go away. Rejection and infidelity hurt; they always do.
And somehow, the most confident of us can be reduced to a puddle of mush at the thought of the one that got away. In the aftermath of what can be one of the hardest things you have ever been through, you would either have to be living on a higher plane of existence, or be a superhuman to not feel pain, anger, and loss of esteem.
The good news is that you are probably through the hardest part: the separation. The great news is that, when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up. Things will get better and you will emerge stronger. Once you learn the trick of moving on, you'll be happier, stronger and more sorted; you will feel lighter, brighter, and better all around.
You could be like many and bounce from one relationship to another, without giving yourself the space to end one and let go, before diving headfirst into the second, until you're rebounding off rebound relationships and end up a complete mess to boot.
While many of them would be the first to admit that they knew what they were doing was wrong, sometimes, it's easier not to deal with the grief and distract yourself with something fun. Don't do this because you'll only end up wasting a lot of time, and hurting more people in the process.
You have to face your emotions because they will surface sooner or later; there's just no way out. Every person is different and will have a different way of moving on, but here is a list that may give you a nudge in the right direction.

Break Contact

One of the hardest things to deal with at the end of a relationship is getting yourself to believe that it's over and dealing with it. You'll find yourself looking for ways to stay in touch.
And, you will be amazed at the excuses your mind can come up for just that one opportunity. After all, you never know when you turn up at your ex's doorstep to return the sneakers that he had left at your home once, he might just change his mind and realize that you are meant to be together. Right? Wrong.
A cardinal rule to follow to get over a breakup is severing contacts. All contacts and that means no phone calls, no emails, no voicemails, no meeting, no BBM, or any form of sneaky contact. Giving yourself time to cope alone and staying away from each other will prevent you from falling into the rabbit hole of getting back temporarily with your ex.

Keep a Journal

You'll be amazed at how therapeutic it can be to write your thoughts. Initially, you may think it's truly stupid, and you may have nothing to write. It's okay; start off with "This is stupid, a total waste of time, and I have nothing to write."
Make it a habit; do it at the same time every day, and just write what you feel. There will be good days and bad, but as you begin to write in your journal, you'll find a pattern emerging. If writing doesn't do it for you, try drawing or painting or anything creative for that matter.

Move on, and Don't Look Back

You can never make a fresh start if you don't move on from your past. Understand that what happened cannot be changed, no matter what.
To learn how to move on after a breakup, accept that the past holds memories and with it, lies the frustration that you could have done differently, but didn't. Well, you can't change it, and dwelling on it is not letting you live your present; it's even hampering your future. So just, let it go.

Face Your Fear

Broken, bad relationships can leave you scarred, unable to trust, and may hamper your ability to commit to anyone else. Learning how to let go of bad memories can help you move into a healthy relationship, or nurture those that you've neglected.
Remember that while you cannot control another person's actions, you can control yours, and you can choose to make a positive change in your life by facing your fear of another failed relationship.

Rediscover Yourself

Enjoy being single. While it may seem unbearably hard if you are a relationship junkie, acknowledge that you need to give yourself priority to emerge stronger, and being single is actually a whole lot more fun than you may consider it is.
Do the things you've always wanted to, rediscover old friends, learn to love yourself, travel; just don't look back.
Learning these techniques is therapeutic in itself. As Baz Luhrman says very wisely, "Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, and don't put up with people who are reckless with yours." Good things are round the corner, waiting for you to discover them. Welcome to the present; your future's looking good.