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Is Love a Selfish Affair?

Azad Chaiwala Aug 6, 2019
There are many opinions, interpretations, and definitions of love, and this is why it is such a globally relevant and controversial subject. As a species, for years we have been trying to quantify what love is, how we can find it, and how we can make it last. One aspect of this very broad topic is whether or not love is a selfish act. Let's have a look:
Being in a relationship with someone who isn't suitable for you is almost guaranteed to result in failure. This is not a clear cut situation either; just because someone has different views than you do, doesn't mean that they're not a potential romantic interest.
In fact, seeing as opposites attract, having someone that challenges you and forces you to grow can actually make for a very strong and healthy relationship. However, deeper elements can be distinguishing factors as to whether a person is a suitable match for you or not.
Stronger aspects of a personality such as how much compassion one possesses can significantly influence the connection that you experience with someone. If you're highly compassionate and they're not, there are going to be a lot of areas where you'll clash, which will lead to a toxic relationship in the long run.
If this is the case, you have to ask yourself if you're willing to sacrifice the potential for being happy with someone who is more suitable for you. Most of the time, people won't want that to happen. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't make you happy? From this perspective, love is definitely a selfish act.
Another side to this is the fact that you can't really love someone else if don't love yourself. If you're choosing to be with someone when you're unhappy with who you are as a person, the chances are that you'll be using this person to distract yourself from your own personal issues.
You might even be trying to fix the elements of your personality you don't like by incorporating this person into your world. This again is destined for failure. Someone else will only be able to accept you when you learn to accept yourself. On the principles of finding someone who compliments your personality, love can understandably be seen as selfish act.
The other side is unconditional love. This means being in love with someone regardless of what they can do for you, or what they may or may not make you feel. It's a gesture that extends beyond circumstances. This person might fight with you every day, they might disrespect you or take you for granted, yet you still love them to the core of who they are.
As admirable as this might be, it's probably not a healthy experience for anyone. This love is powerful and seemingly limitless, but it needs to be reciprocated in order for the relationship to be an enduring example of true love. Here's an article that might assist you on your journey to finding the right person for you.