We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. - Sam Keen
We take a leap of faith and check-mark yet another milestone of our lives, as we enter an institution of marriage. Here, we put our expectations on the surrealistic ideas formed with bombardment of glossy cinema and novels sold in the romantic section. If that is not enough, many believe that a marriage will be exactly like the grandiose wedding party.
To put it in simple words, we come to believe, grander the wedding, happier the marriage. But, as we know it, life seldom turns out the way we plan it. Like every relationship, marriage comes with its own unsaid rules, some that we make, some that we grow together with, and some that preexist. These rules help the marriage survive every tide and ebb.
However, these preexisting rules and our preconceived notions about marriage can make the tiniest of issues burdensome. They hold the power to make you do things you do not like, and build unwanted anger inside you.
Unfortunately, when this anger finds the wrong manifestations, it begins to take a toll on your marriage. So let us take a look at some of the marriage rules that one can break, so as to break free from the shackles of misplaced anger.
10 Breakable Marriage Rules
Why? Take a moment and ask yourself, 'why'? When the need for two people to get married is equal, then why should the financial responsibility of making a home belong to just one person? This rule is a sad stereotype, which puts you, as a woman, in a needy situation.
Break this rule, share his responsibilities, and earn an experience of actually making a home with your earnings. A double income, with no kids in the beginning of your marriage, will provide you ample of scope to explore a whole new world of opportunities to enrich your lives with.
This is another comical convention believed by a lot of couples. A homemaker is essentially a person who manages the daily affairs of running a household. With two people living in the house, it naturally is the joint responsibility of both the individuals to make the home they intend to. So, why should just one person take up this responsibility?
Just as a wife should share her husband's financial pressures, he should help her out with domestic duties. Sharing workload will bring the two of you closer in thought and sentiment. It will also show you how much effort actually goes into managing a house, to turn it into a home.
The love between a parent and a child is the only form of unconditional love. All other manifestations of love are temporary in nature. You may have gotten married to someone you love, but that love fragments into several emotions as you grow together. It transforms into anger, jealousy, boredom, comfort, care, and long-lasting friendship.
Gifting your partner something outrageously expensive to make up for something, is no romance. Also, flaunting your latest expensive gift isn't the experience of romance you were seeking. So, be a little introspective about this expectation, and find the answer to what you actually seek.
A lot of times, couples put their relationship on a hold because they prioritize their children. Unfortunately, holding out on your relationship takes you away from each other emotionally. No doubt that children are an important component of a marriage, but putting your marriage on hold for your children never does any justice to the situation.
Children need to see their parents as a team who provide them with a safe and secure home. Take some time out every fortnight to spend with your spouse, go out for family picnics, watch movies together, cook together and do some activities that you both would enjoy. As children see a happy family, they grow up to be individuals with healthy and happy minds.
A calm in a relationship is often viewed by couples as boredom. Every marriage goes through its phases of ups and downs, excitement and boredom, drama and a calm. A relationship cannot have drama for a long time, as it will turn out to be unhealthy in the long run.
Accept the boredom as a juncture in your relationship, where you can share comfortable silences, devoid performance pressures, and a need to impress. Enjoy the serenity of simply being together, while silence between the two of you makes the most meaningful conversation.
No! Women seek girlfriends to gossip about their every marital issue, while men seek refuge in making hideous jokes about their marital status. And when they run out of this, they hire someone to hear out their woes. Sadly, the people outside your marriage will never know the intricate lattice work of your equation.
They might just hear you out, and occasionally provide baseless solutions. However, the only way in which you can solve your problems is by confronting the issues of conflict through common mediums of communication.
In-laws Make the Laws
Who? And why? In a bid to accept your spouse's family, you may begin to accept your in-laws to a point where they start chalking rules in your marriage. These rules are based on their experiences and ways to make a marriage work. But, rarely do in-laws realize that their wisdom is restricting your freedom to make your marriage work the way you want it to.
The clash of opinions causes unnecessary tensions between the two parties, complicating matters to no end. Totally break this rule of being so accommodating with your in-laws, and determine your boundaries with them, so that you too get a chance to experience the bitter-sweet moments of your marriage, just like they did.
Every Decision Needs Consultation
It is nice when couples involve each other in the things they do. Considering opinions is a way of showing you care and respect the other person in the marriage. However, the tiniest decision that you make does not need a consultation.
For instance, changing light bulbs, budgeting for groceries, getting minor fixes in the house and such other mundane activities can be done independently. Taking each other's opinion on everything, unnecessarily wastes time and can become a point of irritation for the disinterested party. Be a little independent and show your spouse your confident side.
100% Honesty Makes a Healthy Relationship
What if your wife told you the truth about your growing stubble, and what if your husband told you the truth about your weight? What if he truthfully answered the person he would pick, if you were not in his life? None of this would be taken too well. Hence, some truths are better left unsaid.
A respectful, loving, and caring relationship matters above these truths, which will never become any reality. Keeping a truth, which can be detrimental to your marriage hidden, can prove to be dangerous. But, a few white lies to prevent hurting your spouse is definitely allowed in a marriage.
The rules of making a marriage work differ for every marriage. The rules you break should always be the ones that you can make up for, with a positive act. What holds true and common to most marriages, is the fact that love transforms.
It changes from being a passionate, dramatic one, to a calmer, understanding, and a caring one. During this, it goes through various changes. The ones who stick through to the end are the only ones to experience its grander side.