How to Handle the Pain Love Brings You

Love Hurts: How to Handle the Pain Love Brings You

Love doesn't always feel good, like many romantics would like to believe. Here is what you can do to ease the pain.
In the early stages of a relationship, it is difficult to imagine that the one for whom you have such strong feelings could ever hurt you. It is also hard to imagine that you could ever cause the one you love pain, especially when everything is so new. The beginning is always sweet and nice, but sooner or later, something less than perfect happens and one of you gets hurt.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "you always hurt the one you love?" It's so true, isn't it? You may not mean to, but at some point, you may do something, or not do something, that your significant other is hurt by. The opposite is also true. As a matter of fact, relationships sometimes end because of this. However, they don't always have to.

What to Do If your Loved One Hurts You

If you are in a healthy relationship, then the hurt was unintentional. It is important to realize that your loved one didn't plan to cause you pain, so try to see the situation from their perspective. You should try to calm your emotions down and then talk to them about what they were thinking, why they did what they did, or said what they said. Be willing to see things from their perspective. Once you hear them out, they will be more willing to hear what you have to say. Explain how you perceived what they said or did, and why you were hurt by it.

You might not be able to communicate this right away, so you should wait until an appropriate time when you are not clouded with emotion. This is easier said than done, but you should give it a try. Waiting can help you avoid saying things that you don't mean because you are hurt and angry. Get it off your chest by talking it out or writing a brief note or an email. Don't just hold a grudge, because it will only hurt you more.

What to Do When Your Loved One Feels Hurt

The most important thing that you can do is listen. Showing that you care about your partner's feelings is essential to help them heal quickly. You might not understand why they are hurt initially, because you didn't mean to hurt them. Make an effort to see it from their perspective, and try to help them understand your intentions better. Communicate to them that you do care about their feelings. Apologize if you did something wrong. Make a sincere effort to acknowledge that you could have done things differently, and express plans to avoid that kind of thing in the future. Make it clear that you didn't mean to hurt them, and that you want to avoid doing it again.

What Not To Do

If you feel hurt, don't:
  • Yell
  • Try to get revenge or make them pay
  • Hold a grudge
  • Demand an apology
  • Insist that you are right
If your loved one is hurt, don't:
  • Disregard their feelings as silly
  • Say you're sorry unless you actually mean it
  • Pretend to understand
  • Insist that you are right
Ultimately, clear and honest communicate can help heal the emotional wound. Be willing to do both, to listen and to talk. If forgiveness, care, and understanding are working parts of your relationship, there won't be that much pain, and you will enjoy a long-lasting and healthy relationship that is true to life.