Think About It!
Your true lover is not the one who loves you, he is the one that can make you believe that this world is an amazing place in spite of all its imperfections, this life is an amazing gift in spite of all its trials, and he is the best friend you never had, and perhaps never will, who accepts you the way you are, in spite of all your flaws.
If the aforementioned lines are not what your guy sounds like, he is not the one! First off, the fact that you are wondering if this guy is the right one for you or not shows that something is definitely wrong in this relationship.
It is really easy to fall for a guy within a brief period of time, but it is only when you are in a relationship, that you discover some unseen facets to his personality and begin to wonder whether you are with the right person.
Sadly, him being a cheater or losing interest in you are not the only issues that you may have to deal with. He is perhaps serious about you, he plans to commit to you in the near future, he has discussed everything possible under the sun with you, and you know for a fact that this relationship means something to him.
But even then, you have this sense of discomfort―an unsureness if you can live your entire life with him. What do you do to avoid the confusion? How do you find out if you are in a right relationship?
10 Ways to Know If He is Not the Right Guy for You
In a relationship, we tend to give a lot of importance to the three words―I Love You. You see that the guy looks nice, knows how to talk, has the ability to take care of your needs, especially financially, and has started to charm you with his talks and boom!
You think you have found your prince charming! And the moment he asks you out, you say yes without blinking an eye! It is only later when you sense that he is nothing what you thought he would be. You were never aware of the many sides of his personality, which is making you wonder if you made the right decision. Do you notice the following signs?
1. He Manipulates You
What is the point of being in a relationship that is manipulative? This just means that he is trying to change you; mold you into a shape that would prove to be convenient to handle for him. He tries to be your remote control, giving you a set of dos and don'ts that you should follow.
For instance, you can't hangout with your guy friends without his presence, or are not allowed to wear certain kind of clothes. You are bound by his rules, and if you happen to break them, he gets very upset. He is turning you into a person you really aren't! If this is your story, then think again―are you willing to spend your entire life in this way?
2. He is Insensitive Towards Your Emotions
True, emotions and practicality should be balanced, but if his practical approach in life always ends up shunning your emotional needs, he is perhaps not right for you. There are two types of people in today's world―those who live their lives with emotions, and those who think practically.
3. You Suppress Yourself to Avoid Conflicts
There are a zillion things about him that make you uncomfortable―his outlined rule book, his arrogant nature, his insensitivity. But instead of confronting him and telling him how you actually feel, you choose to be quiet. Perhaps you have tried it in the past, and you have seen him snap back at you with the kind of aggression you don't wish to face again.
For example, you happened to find out that he has been in touch with his ex-girlfriend. Even if you ask him normally about it, he argues and blames you for spying on him! He makes it seem that every conflict is your fault, and instead of irritating him with these issues, you should sleep on it, or just be "mature".
We cite this example from experience. So, yes, get out of there before it affects your mental and physical health with all that suppressed stress.
4. You Can't Be Yourself With Him
He is trying to make you something you're not, you feel trapped, stressed, scared ... in short, you can't be your happy self with him because he fails to relate to that side of yours! If you feel like acting immature and kiddish one day, just for the fun of it, he snaps.
If you feel like indulging in a carb-ilicious meal one day, he gets upset that you might put on weight. We mean, if this relationship is strangling your individualism, then it's time to let go and be with someone who respects your individuality.
5. You Have Trust Issues
The most important thing in a relationship, perhaps more than being in love, is to be able to trust the person you are with. If everything he says doesn't match with what you have observed, if you can't rely on his word, perhaps you should end it right away. Try to recollect whether over the past few weeks or perhaps months, you've noticed a lying pattern.
He says he is going to bed, but you see him online on a messaging app. He talks to another girl on Facebook, flirts with her, and when you display your discomfort, he retaliates by saying that you have trust issues! Well, maybe you do, and that's one good reason to tell him that you deserve better.
6. He is Not Your Comfort Pillow
You are happy about something and you wish to share it with him; however, you need to think twice before you dial his number―What if he's busy? You're upset about something and you just need to talk to someone, but you can't approach him―What if he's sleeping and you disturb him?
You can't speak your heart out when you're with him. You don't get the kind of responses you need from a confidant, a friend, a comforter ... why are you with him then?
7. His View of Life Differs From Yours
If the different viewpoints come together and create something positive for the both of you, great! But, if it is creating a turmoil within you, as if you are being forced to live a life you can't live in, then this is a definite sign for you to excuse yourself from him.
Two people should come together only if both are growing or being benefited by each other's presence. If his aim is to earn money, get the best of luxuries, and you wish to have a small cozy house with a family that values relationships and love more than money, do yourself and him a favor. You both should be with someone who shares the same dreams as yours.
8. You Need to Assure Yourself Time and Again about Him
Sweetheart, love is a matter of the heart, but a relationship works best when both your heart and mind are in sync with each other. If you love him, you just know, and the same way, if you feel a person is your soulmate, you just know! There is no confusion there.
However, if all these discomforting signs are getting on your head, and if you are assuring yourself, chanting within yourself that he is the one, then he is not the one! If his incompatibility is something you can't ignore, get out because you seriously don't deserve this.
9. Your Friends Suggest You to Think Over
We are sure you have discussed this with your friends, or at least one person you are really close to. It is always better to confide in a person who knows the two of you, especially him, really well.
If those trustworthy well-wishers also suggest you to rethink about this guy, then you definitely should. Seriously, if he is the right one, why does everything about him seem to be so wrong?
10. You Can Relate to All the Signs Listed Before
You love him and you have committed yourself to him. So, you are willing to give him time and change as long as that keeps him happy. Why? Well, your thought is admirable, but viable only if your efforts are being reciprocated, if he too is willing to be what you want him to be.
If the compromise is only from your side, and you relate with almost 6 out of the 10 signs given here, you have the answer―No, he is not the right guy for you!
No guy would be perfect; there will always be something or the other that will be unacceptable about him, and the same rule applies to us girls too. But there are some imperfections that you are willing to ignore and some adjustments you have no problems making.
But all this should come naturally without any manipulation, without any argument, without thinking that you're losing yourself in the process. After all, you get this life only once; why live it with someone who can't add meaning to it?