Due to various reasons, the number of cases of infidelity has increased manifolds in the last few decades. Statistics of various surveys reveal that, though both men and women may get into extramarital affairs, the percentage of men cheating on their wives is much higher. Moreover, it is more common in young couples than in older ones.
Discovering infidelity comes as a shock, and the betrayed spouse does not know how to react. The sense of disbelief may continue for the next few days or it may last for several weeks. The faster you are able to accept the fact that it happened in your marriage, the better are the chances of healing.
Identifying the Factors Leading to Infidelity
There can be numerous reasons behind extramarital affairs. It is a myth that infidelity cannot happen in a good marriage. Infidelity can happen both in good marriages as well as in marriages with marital problems. A spouse may be involved in such affairs with or without any sense of guilt.
One of the key factors responsible for infidelity is the lack of affection between the two. Most married couples take their spouses for granted and get busy either pursuing their career or raising children. Thus, they forget how much they need their spouse. An emotional void is created and they start looking for someone who can fill this gap.
Those with lack of self-esteem, an addiction towards sex and romance, or those who are looking for more power and influence in their lives are more prone to get involved with someone outside their marriage. Physical intimacy may or may not exist in marital infidelity. It may involve only flirtation or deception.
Today, chatting with someone of the opposite sex over the Internet can be considered as a form of infidelity and is posing big problems in many marriages. Emotional infidelity is as bad as any physical relationship.
How to Save Your Marriage?
The decision whether you should save your marriage or opt for a divorce depends upon you because nobody knows the exact circumstances better than you. However, if you are brave enough to give your marriage another chance, let us take a look at some measures that will help you survive infidelity.
Bottling up the anger will cause more harm to you than anyone else. Moreover, this feeling is so strong that it will not let you think of the situation logically. It can also lead to some more negative feelings, like the desire for revenge. Once the anger subsides, you can focus on relevant relationship issues like your future life and goals.
It is not easy to find the strength to forgive someone for a mistake that almost devastated your life. Think of it as giving a second chance to your marriage by forgiving your spouse.
You can ask as many questions as you want, but you should also listen to what the other person has to say on the issue. It is through such healthy discussions you can find out if your spouse is ready to abandon the affair or not, and whether he or she is genuinely repentant on the wrongdoing. Both of you can also decide your future plans.
Certain things have to be changed in your relationship to mend the bond. These things can be identified by the counselor in a better and more efficient way. Both of you will feel that you have gained something after the session.
You have to understand each other and cooperate with each other to succeed. Set real, achievable goals for yourselves. Try to spend as much time as possible with each other. Participate in all the activities both of you are interested in to rebuild the bond. Most importantly, slowly try to re-establish your trust.
The best part of dealing with infidelity is that you will end up discovering a lot of new things about yourself, your spouse, and your relationship. You will find that you have grown as a stronger and better human being.