Marriages are made in heaven, they say. It takes you years of dating and tons of heartbreaks to find that special someone; the one you think you can happily spend your entire life with; the one whose hand you think you want to hold all the time; the one who you want to see when you open your eyes; the one in whose arms you want to cuddle up all night.
Then what goes wrong? Why do people drift apart even when everything seems so perfect? Is it that love eventually dies out? Why is it that marriage starts feeling like a baggage you have to carry around all the time? As per the Enrichment Journal on the divorce rates in America, 41% of all first marriages end in a divorce! It rises to 60% when it comes to second marriages, and 73% for third marriages!!! Why? Let's find out.
♥ 1. "Of course, I trust you ... but I won't stop checking your messages!"
10 Reasons Why Marriages Fail
A marriage or in that case any other relationship which lacks trust can never survive. Trust is the foundation of a marriage. The minute you start losing faith in your spouse, you will start facing problems. Keeping a check on his/her mails or who he/she meets, questioning or doubting his/her intentions can really put a person off. Try talking to your spouse if you have any doubts in your mind. If in case, your partner is losing faith in you, try finding out the reason. Are you going wrong somewhere? If yes, try to work out ways to change yourself or do things that will help build the trust again. The bond that you two share needs to be very strong to survive a marriage. If not, there's nothing much that can be done to save it.♥ 2. "It's you who chose to end it ... I just kissed someone else!"
Cheating on your partner is the worst you can do. An extramarital affair is just a way of escaping the reality. Though it will seem like a lot of fun initially, you will end up losing both - your current fling and your spouse. It is natural to get attracted to people, but, if you weren't ready for a commitment, why did you get married anyway? The feeling of betrayal is very hard to get over. Expecting your partner to understand and still be with you after you have cheated on them is just unfair. Would you do the same had you been in his/her place? If you have issues with your partner, sit and discuss it with them. Finding someone new behind your partner's back is definitely not the way out.♥ 3. "Honey, we need to talk ... after the game!"
Another reason for a failed marriage ... lack of communication. You know your marriage is hitting the rocks when it has been a lifetime that you have spoken to each other or spent some quality time together. Innumerable problems are so trivial that they can be resolved by talking alone. But it becomes very difficult to resolve disputes if there is a lack of communication between a couple and even smaller problems start looking like big issues. Lack of communication makes way for doubt and mistrust in a marriage. It is when you fail to understand the other person that problems start to arise. To avoid this, not only do you need to talk about your problems with your spouse, but you also need to listen to them and understand them, too.♥ 4. "You were beautiful when I married you ... now I tell people you're my Mom!"
Finding your partner unattractive can cause serious intimacy issues. It is often seen that you start finding a person unappealing who you once had the hots for. If you think your partner is losing interest in you, either because you have put on weight or because you have been sporting the same look since forever, get in shape or get a makeover done. If it is your way of dressing that your spouse doesn't like or vice versa, you could take them shopping with you.♥ 5. "Of course we can talk ... after you initiate!"
Ego can be very disastrous for a marriage. Many of us have so much pride that we think no end of ourselves and go to the extent of trampling our spouse's emotions. If you have had a fight, one of you has to take the initiative to talk and resolve the issues. If neither of you wants to pull back, it results into ego clashes. It is obvious that there is going to be a difference of views and opinions. Arguments and fights are a pack and parcel that come along with marriage, but you should learn to let go of your ego. If your partner doesn't take an initiative, you should go and talk as soon as you feel okay, especially when you realize that you have hurt the other person's ego. But, if it is always you apologizing in spite of the other person's fault, it's time to let the other person know that.♥ 6. "Why should I be responsible? It was you who wanted to have kids!"
After having a baby, many couples start facing problems like intimacy and financial issues along with the stress of adjusting to the new life. Does that mean having a baby is always bad for the marriage? Definitely not! You have to be sure that both of you are ready for it before planning to have a baby. Discuss all the changes that you will have to face as a couple. You should understand that you just need to give yourself as well as your spouse some time to accept the change. Though it may take a lot of effort, there are many ways to work it out. So, instead of falling apart, face the challenges together and use this time to make a stronger bond with your partner. Also, make sure that it is not just one of you who is burdened with the responsibilities. Both of you should carry out your respective duties towards the baby; be it financially or emotionally.
♥ 7. "What if I still hang out with my ex ... Not that I can get back with him/her, now that I'm married to you."
One of the most common reasons why a marriage fails - unable to move on from your past relationship. Sometimes, people keep comparing their spouse with an ex and put them under the pressure of not having met their expectations. In this case, what you need to understand is that every individual is different and you cannot expect someone to be like someone else. You need to accept the person who you are married to, just the way he/she is. If there are any flaws, you just have to deal with them, keeping in mind that you are not perfect either. It is completely okay to be friends with your ex, if you share a healthy friendship and if your partner doesn't mind. But it would be better to stop, in case it invites unnecessary trouble into your married life.♥ 8. "Obviously I respect you ... even if I make fun of you in front of my friends!"
Making fun of your spouse in front of your friends or family is very disrespectful. Light jokes which won't hurt their ego are okay, but you definitely can't expect them to have a sense of humor when it comes to their family members or the way they look. At first, it might seem playful, but once your partner has reached a saturation level, it can pave the way for daily fights and arguments. And don't forget that your spouse will respond to it in the same way. It is always important that you speak well of your spouse. Not only will it strengthen your spouse's best qualities, it will also help them develop a feeling of gratitude towards you.♥ 9. "Let's get married ... because you are rich!"
Of course money is important! And everyone needs money to live. But should it be the reason to get married to someone? Would you get married to someone just for their money? Just because they have fancy cars and a huge bungalow? I am sure many of you are saying "yes" to these. But trust me, once you realize that the person you married is not the one for you, it can make you feel really miserable. Being married to a person without a real connection can be the worst thing one can ever experience. Same goes if you marry someone for their looks. Sooner or later, you are bound to realize it was a mistake, ruining it for both, you and your spouse.♥ 10. "Oh! Come on, we are in love ... Who cares if we are 18!"
Getting married early is the worst of all. When you are young and in love, you might think that getting married is the only thing left to do. What you don't realize is that, with marriage comes a lot of responsibility. Instead of having to deal with it at such a young age, you should enjoy these days having fun with your friends. It is unlikely that either of you are financially or even emotionally stable. If you are unable to handle your duties as a spouse, it will result in frustration. You might start wondering if things would have been better had you not chosen to settle down so quickly. This feeling of regret can be very traumatizing. And in case, it is your partner who wants to get married early, make him/her understand what you feel and why it is not such a good idea. If he/she loves you, I am sure he/she'll wait.
Every marriage has to go through its share of ups and downs. But that doesn't always mean it has to end. You can always try talking to your partner, discuss the problems and come up with a solution. If in case you can't, you can always turn to your family and friends for help. And if nothing else works, you can still seek the help of a marriage counselor.