Marriage is a long-term relationship, and is mainly based on mutual trust and understanding. When these essential blocks go missing in a marriage, couples usually end up deciding to get a divorce. The thought itself is very painful, as you sever ties with the one person you thought the world of on your wedding day. It is bound to be an emotionally stressful situation not just for you and your partner, but also for the kids. If you have any children, taking this decision can be harder than imagined. Let's take a look at what factors one must consider before signing those divorce papers.
When to Decide to Get a Divorce
There are so many thoughts that keep doing the rounds when think about getting a divorce. Some issues need to be explored carefully before taking that final decision. Here are a few questions that you should ask yourself before taking a final call.
Are you in an abusive relationship?
If your partner abuses you physically or mentally, then it is about time you walked away. No matter how painful the decision is for you, it has to be taken without second though. If you are in the hope that the situation will improve in the future, then you are sadly mistaken―abusive personalities need counseling and help, which may take time to come into force, or not happen at all.
It is only going to worsen with the passage of time if you constantly subject yourself to such abuse. In this case, you do not have to worry about the repercussions. Think about what this will do to the kids if you stay around for much longer. Before things get worse, you must seek help on how to get out of this marriage.
Is your partner cheating on you?
There is no doubt that cheating in a marriage is a horrible, heart-wrenching situation for any couple. Many people are willing to forgive their partners and offer them a second chance, but others feel so betrayed with the infidelity that it hurts to look the other in the eye, or continue an intimate relationship. In such a situation, the decision is absolutely yours depending on the frequency of the cheating, and the details that ensued post its discovery. Once you come to terms with the situation, let your heart do the decision-making, in this case.
Have you lost an emotional connection with your partner?
Many couples go through a rough patch, even if it's been happening for years. The key to make any relationship work is to talk things out, no matter how painful or uncomfortable. Visit a marriage counselor and seek advice on how to relight the fire in your marriage, and ultimately save it. Work on making things the way they were by remembering the good times, and how it can overcome the bad. If all else fails, then the result is your call. But don't give up, until you've tried everything.
Do you think that divorce makes everything better?
Before taking that final step, you should evaluate your marriage one last time. Write down the good things that you appreciated in your marriage, as well as bad things you couldn't tolerate or were hurtful. If you find that the negatives outweigh the positives, then you should stop hurting one another and come to a mutual understanding. Give it a second thought if the positives cancel out the negatives, and salvage your marriage. Communicate with one another like civilized beings; do not resort to screaming and overly-critical assessments.
Are you willing to face the consequences of divorce?
This is the most vital question that you must ask yourself. Even if you think that you do not love each other anymore, you will still suffer from considerable heartache after the dissolution of your marriage. If you initiate the divorce, then you're likely to suffer from guilt and possibly regret. Divorce is a vulnerable phase, where your life will get swallowed by emotions like, loneliness, helplessness, failure, rejection, and similarly strong feelings. Dealing with divorce when you've got children in the picture, can be particularly harder, since their pain will need comforting too.
To deal with divorce grief without losing your sanity and will to move on, you should have a strong support system of friends and family. Apart from the emotional aspect, you have to think about the financial aspect as well. You'll need enough financial support for yourself to be able to pay for the bills, and take care of other financial responsibilities. If you do not have the adequate emotional and financial support, find out ways on how you can manage from here on out.
Taking a hasty decision to end one's marriage is a bad idea. It should be a conscious and not emotionally-driven decision. Do not threaten to leave or teach your partner some sort of lesson by hurting them. It is not going to yield any benefits except remorse and anxiety. Get help if needed, and do what is necessary with a clear mind.