Saying ‘no’ has always been far from easy, especially in matters related to the heart and unrequited love. Somehow, having the upper hand here doesn’t seem to make you feel powerful, for once. Learn how to turn down a date gracefully, with these little LoveBondings snippets.
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Rejection was, and never will be, anything to be proud of. Even when the head is calculating and crunching numbers that hint at a possibility of rejection, the heart is looking for the best possible way to of laying itself out in the open. When Bill Russell said, “To love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something, but to be loved by the one you love is everything”, the world knew it wanted nothing but everything.
When someone asks you out, you feel wanted, loved, and desired. For you, it might just look like the first step, but in their head, they are already riding high on the feelings they fantasize you feel for them. For all you know, they have even spun a fairytale starring the two of you. You could be a big part of someone else’s life, and you might not even know it. But when they make it evident to you, and start small by asking you out on a date, and you don’t feel the same way, you need to turn them down nicely, without hurting their feelings.
Ways to Turn Down a Date Nicely
These simple, yet strong tips, should help you decline a date in a graceful way, without coming across as rude, mean, or blunt.
Don’t Lie, Be Honest
He likes you, adores you, is fond of you, and he poured out his heart to you. And what does he expect in return? A positive reply. If anything, you at least owe him an honest reason of why is he being declined. This helps in getting closure, and letting him move on in life.
Be Firm, But Not Rude or Blunt
The decision to refuse a date, or not to go out with someone, is entirely yours. Nobody can force you into going out with someone you don’t want to. But, being polite is the way to go. If the guy doesn’t take the hint or is extremely persistent, you need to take a firm stand and send your message across loud and clear, but without being harsh.
Do it with an Ego Booster
Nothing lifts the spirit of a man more than a booster for his ego. You know he is a great guy-humorous, attractive, chivalrous, and everything else any woman could ask for in a man. But still you wish to turn him down (you are one tough cookie to crack!). Then, tell him that he is a great guy. Lay it out in the open, and make him feel good about himself, so that the blow of rejection is mellowed down. His ego, by being declined, is bruised; nurse it with flattery, praise him, and make it easier for him.
Appreciate the Offer
Don’t ever forget to thank him or appreciate him. In no way should you humiliate him by laughing at him. You are the girl of his dreams, and nothing could make him feel worse than his dream girl laughing at him when he is confessing his feelings for her.
Do it Personally
Nothing spells tacky and indifference better than declining a date via a phone call, text message, voice mail, social network, or worse yet, through a mutual friend. The first four options are disrespectful of his feelings, and will put you in bad light. Rejecting him through a mutual friend, not only puts the fact that he asked you out in the open, but also kind of mocks him in front of the friend, since he is being rejected.
Introduce Him to Someone Who is Interested
Now, this reaction is something that he will never expect. When he comes up to you, he anticipates either an ecstatic ‘yes’ or a heartbreaking ‘no’, preferably the former. While a yes will set his happiness on fire, a no will lay a definite setback. But, you can tone down the level of the setback by introducing him to someone you know is single, and would be interested in his proposal. Although your refusal will make him feel dejected, the prospect of meeting someone else who is interested will raise his hopes, and let him know that it is not the end of the world after all. However, don’t do this if you know he is serious about you. It might hurt his feelings and make the rejection feel worse.
No matter how politely you do it, turning someone down is equal to rejection. You have no idea about the lengths that person went to, or the amount of courage he had to muster to ask you out. Part of the reason that he came up to you was because he felt that he won’t be declined. But, he was. If you share timetables and see each other regularly, the least you can do to make him feel better is to try to maintain a cordial relationship after the whole episode. Again, make sure he would be okay with this setting, and won’t mind it. If not, spare him the pain and steer clear of his way, unless he is ready to see you or talk to you again.
Don’t Give Excuses or Lead Him On
If you reject his proposal by saying things like, “I am not ready to start dating yet”, or “I am too busy to be in a relationship now, serious or otherwise”, can give him false hopes and wrong ideas. These, and similar responses, suggest that you are interested in him, but not just yet. They might lead him to believe that, may be, if he comes back to you after some time, you might go out with him. When in reality, all you were trying to do was to be polite and refuse the offer. By being straightforward, you give him the choice and freedom of moving on, and not keep waiting for you. Do him a favor; everybody deserves to be happy.
Simply Say ‘No’
Simplicity is encouraged and appreciated. The guy’s heart is racing at 500 beats per second. He is waiting desperately for an answer, and you want to get the matter out of the way as soon as you can. Just say “no, thank you”, and be done with it. There’s no point in beating around the bush, spinning out illogical explanations, or looking for excuses for not being able to make it.
Don’t even try to understand what it is to be like in the other person’s shoes. Don’t try, just feel it if you can. With a thousand questions in his head, and a million thoughts in his heart, he put himself out there for you; emotionally naked, asking you to like him back, knowing little that his dreams were going to be crushed and hopes all trampled upon. Treat him like you would want to be treated. And when you think about how you wish to be treated in such a situation, you’ll know exactly what to do. Your conscience will be your compass.