Are You in a Codependent Relationship?

Are You in a Codependent Relationship?

Let's face it - relationships are mostly codependent. It is a whole new topic when partners are excessively dependent on someone for everything, especially for emotional or psychological needs. Take the test to know if you are codependent, with the below-given codependency quiz.
LoveBondings Staff
"This dance of Codependence is a dance of dysfunctional relationships - of relationships that do not work to meet our needs."

― Robert Burney 
(Author of Codependence/The Dance of Wounded Souls)
Codependency is often found in children of neglect and abuse. However, it is a learned habit. Such people tend to seek outside validation. Their self-esteem revolves around other people's perception of them. Their disease to please and gain acceptance makes it hard for them to say 'no', often leading them into manipulative and/or abusive relationships. So much so that they are tuned to believing harmful behavior to be normal behavior, and are willing to put up with such behavior and people. They believe if they deny, disagree, or say anything contradicting the beliefs of others, they will be abandoned or neglected. Therefore, they avoid confrontation at any cost, while putting their needs on the backburner. They easily forgo themselves. They neither take care of themselves, nor do they have any self-respect. This makes them feel insecure, thus, making it difficult for them to share their emotions and feelings. Their desire to be accepted controls their need to be perfect, and they often loath themselves at their smallest mistakes. Since their whole life is based on a façade, they can't trust people around them.
When it comes to their significant other, they take everything very personally, including their partner spending time with his/her friends. They take it personally and feel rejected, if they don't get adequate attention from their partner. Due to this unhealthy and compulsive attachment towards their spouse, they often smother them and feel embarrassed about the other one's mistake.

Many a time, they relinquish a large degree of control, making other people's problems as theirs. They try to gain some control over others by threats, guilt, manipulation, acting helpless, or by giving advice. This is known as 'passive behavioral defense system.' Controlling makes them feel in control, thus, making them feel safe.
Following is quiz with a list of questions related to this scenario. Take the quiz to know if you are in a codependent relationship.

Codependency Relationship Test

1. If you had a big project at work, how would your partner react?
  • A. Falls ill all of a sudden and needs you to care for him/her so that you forgo the project.
  • B. Calls you continuously throughout the day to check on you.
  • C. Shows up at work because you haven't been coming home at the usual time.
  • D. Happy for the opportunities and offers to help.
2. Your partner has to go away for a couple of days. What do you do?
  • A. You can't bear the thought of being away, so you decide to go with him/her.
  • B. You call continuously and spend hours talking to him/her.
  • C. You are sad that you are away from your partner, but you are excited about spending time alone.
  • D. You decide to surprise your partner on his/her return.
3. Your partner has an interview. Which best describes what you do to help him/her prepare?
  • A. You shop for your partner, and help him/her get dressed for the interview.
  • B. You help him/her get ready and drive them to the interview so that you know he/she gets there on time.
  • C. You wait for them in the room while your partner goes in for the interview and then ask what happened.
  • D. You ask if there is anything you can help them with.
4. Your friends often complain that you don't have time for them.
  • A. They often do, but you don't care.
  • B. Sometimes you forget to include your friends in your life, but you would like to hang out with them.
  • C. You lost them once you started dating your partner.
  • D. You enjoy your partner's company as well as with your friends.
5. If your partner has a drug/alcohol problem and isn't going to work, what do you do?
  • A. You tell your partner to call the supervisor himself/herself.
  • B. You call the supervisor and make up an excuse.
  • C. You bring the phone to your partner, and spoonfeed the excuse.
  • D. You go to work and don't care.
6. If your partner has a gambling problem and often asks you and your loved ones for money, what do you do?
  • A. You give your partner money once in a while.
  • B. You don't give your partner money, but you give him/her a ride to the casino.
  • C. You accompany him/her to the casino to control the gambling problem.
  • D. You tell your loved ones not to give your partner any money or a ride.
7. You often keep quiet to avoid arguments.
  • A. Strongly Agree
  • B. Agree
  • C. Disagree
  • D. Strongly Disagree
8. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
  • A. Yes
  • B. Most of the time
  • C. No
  • D. I'm independent with decision-making
9. You find it hard to trust yourself and the people around you.
  • A. Strongly Agree
  • B. Agree
  • C. Disagree
  • D. Strongly Disagree
10. You fear rejection.
  • A. Yes
  • B. Usually
  • C. No
  • D. Never

Your result will display here...
Signs of Codependency
  • Anxiety
  • Compulsive need to be a caretaker
  • Compulsive talking
  • Consistent anger and difficulty in expressing it
  • Constant need for approval
  • Constantly attempting to do more than their share
  • Cannot adjust to change
  • Denial
  • Dependence on at least one relationship
  • Depression
  • Difficulty in making decisions
  • Difficulty in understanding basic feelings
  • Difficulty with intimate relationships and boundaries
  • Exaggerating their responsibility for what other people do
  • Fearful of being alone or abandoned
  • Feeling guilty for asserting themselves
  • Fragile feelings
  • Lack of trust
  • Lying
  • Low self-esteem and confidence
  • Needing to control others
  • Obsession for someone else
  • Perfectionism
  • Procrastination
  • Repression of personal needs
If the answer to the above questions are mostly yes, then you should choose to take the first step to recovery by talking to your loved ones and getting some professional help.