Let’s face it – relationships are mostly codependent. It is a whole new topic when partners are excessively dependent on someone for everything, especially for emotional or psychological needs. Take the test to know if you are codependent, with the below-given codependency quiz.
“This dance of Codependence is a dance of dysfunctional relationships – of relationships that do not work to meet our needs.”
― Robert Burney
(Author of Codependence/The Dance of Wounded Souls)
Codependency is often found in children of neglect and abuse. However, it is a learned habit. Such people tend to seek outside validation. Their self-esteem revolves around other people’s perception of them. Their disease to please and gain acceptance makes it hard for them to say ‘no’, often leading them into manipulative and/or abusive relationships. So much so that they are tuned to believing harmful behavior to be normal behavior, and are willing to put up with such behavior and people. They believe if they deny, disagree, or say anything contradicting the beliefs of others, they will be abandoned or neglected. Therefore, they avoid confrontation at any cost, while putting their needs on the backburner. They easily forgo themselves. They neither take care of themselves, nor do they have any self-respect. This makes them feel insecure, thus, making it difficult for them to share their emotions and feelings. Their desire to be accepted controls their need to be perfect, and they often loath themselves at their smallest mistakes. Since their whole life is based on a façade, they can’t trust people around them.
When it comes to their significant other, they take everything very personally, including their partner spending time with his/her friends. They take it personally and feel rejected, if they don’t get adequate attention from their partner. Due to this unhealthy and compulsive attachment towards their spouse, they often smother them and feel embarrassed about the other one’s mistake.
Many a time, they relinquish a large degree of control, making other people’s problems as theirs. They try to gain some control over others by threats, guilt, manipulation, acting helpless, or by giving advice. This is known as ‘passive behavioral defense system.’ Controlling makes them feel in control, thus, making them feel safe.
Following is quiz with a list of questions related to this scenario. Take the quiz to know if you are in a codependent relationship.
Signs of Codependency
- Compulsive need to be a caretaker
- Compulsive talking
- Consistent anger and difficulty in expressing it
- Constant need for approval
- Constantly attempting to do more than their share
- Cannot adjust to change
- Dependence on at least one relationship
- Difficulty in making decisions
- Difficulty in understanding basic feelings
- Difficulty with intimate relationships and boundaries
- Exaggerating their responsibility for what other people do
- Fearful of being alone or abandoned
- Feeling guilty for asserting themselves
- Fragile feelings
- Lack of trust
- Low self-esteem and confidence
- Needing to control others
- Obsession for someone else
- Repression of personal needs
If the answer to the above questions are mostly yes, then you should choose to take the first step to recovery by talking to your loved ones and getting some professional help.