As per the surveys, the divorce rate in the US is on the decline. This leads us to the question if reconciliation is possible between separated couples, the answer to which, lies in the article.
To start with, couples can reconcile even after getting separated. In fact, separation is not always a prelude to divorce. When most couples separate, they are still in the process of deciding whether they want to try to salvage their marriage, or if it is beyond repair. Reconciliation at this time could be the difference between a broken marriage and a saved one. It is a very powerful word. It means ‘to find a way in which two situations or beliefs that are opposed to each other can agree and exist together’. We often hear that half of the marriages in the US end up in divorce. But in reality, the statistics tell a very different story altogether. The Associated Press recently released a story wherein on an average there are 3.6 divorcees for every 1000 households. And this is the lowest figure in last 37 years! This suggests that through proper counseling, there is always room for reconciliation.
Reasons Couples Separate
Although it is difficult to mention each and every reason, the most commonly occurring instances for separation are illustrated below.
♥ Lack of proper communication
♥ Addiction to drugs, alcohol or other substances
♥ Getting isolated from family and friends
♥ Financial instability
♥ When the power of decision-making rests with one partner
♥ Over possessiveness
♥ Physical/mental abuse targeted by one partner to the other
♥ Lack of physical/intellectual compatibility
♥ Lowering self-esteem levels, leading to lack of self-confidence
♥ Severe health problems of one partner
Apart from all the aforementioned arguments, another reason couples separate is to save their sinking ship of marriage. Howsoever ironic this may sound, some reports suggest that the time couples spend apart would often make them realize the importance of marriage and relationship, eventually bringing them closer.
Ways to Reconcile
As the old adage goes – “It takes two to tango”. Similarly, the responsibility of reconciling has to be owned by both the partners. Instead of blaming one another for their shortcomings or faults, the couples should rather focus on how to reignite the love which brought them together. There are some simple ways to achieve this, which could save a marriage that was on the brink of divorce.
Avoid heated arguments or discussions
It is often noticed that a prolonged discussion could result in a feud, because it is the ego that breeds a discussion. So, try not to bring your egos into play in order to avoid heated arguments.
Approach your partner as a best friend
It is sometimes important to don the role of a friend to let your spouse confide in you and share even the most trivial things that otherwise might not be possible.
Visit places you both used to date
Memories tend to have a lasting impact on our minds. So you should take your spouse to the places where both of you often went for a date. This could actually spice up your love life again.
Take a leaf out of reunited couples
The experiences and the traumatic process of divorce of reunited couples could help you realize the sanctity of marriage and love, thereby, enabling you to reconcile with your partner.
Show appreciation towards your partner
One bit of appreciation can bring a smile on the face of people. So try to praise your spouse for the things he/she does, keeping aside your differences.
Express the love towards your partner in words
Many times, we do not express our love towards our spouse. So tell your partner how much you love and care for him/her and what importance that person holds in your life.
Learn to compromise
Although compromising on every single issue is not ideal, but, start cultivating the habit of compromising on at least some things which may not always be of your liking. This way, you exhibit to your spouse that you are willing to reconcile.
Provide space to your partner
Make sure not to show desperation that could result in your partner getting irritated. Hence, it is essential for you to give some well-deserved space to your spouse, so that, the person can indulge in his/her favorite activities.
Lastly, reconciliation can have wonderful results, but, it is a difficult process. It involves the couple requiring to understand themselves, his/her partner, and taking an in-depth look at what went wrong in the relationship. Couples will also need to learn to be considerate and to communicate in a way in which each partner feels heard, respected and regarded, to sustain a healthy marriage. Separated couples who want to go down the path of reconciliation must be prepared to let go of anger and pain.
While most people will say that it’s easier said than done, forgiveness, rebuilding trust and openness to change are the primary ingredients of reconciliation. It is a slow process and many have found that it is made possible through prayers. After all, trusting once again is always an act of faith. For a couple who is already not seeing eye to eye, accomplishing all the above on their own strength may not be possible. For them, help comes in the form of numerous reconciliation and marriage counseling programs. So when a couple separates, it is not always necessary for it to end in a divorce; rather asking themselves, if there was any scope for a patch up, which could save many marriages.
