I'm sure you have your justifications for treating your boyfriend like an ex convict. Women usually start acting possessive and clingy only if there is something wrong with the basic foundation of their relationship. Turning into a clingy girlfriend is a tag you would never have expected and it's time you realize the things you are doing wrong and the reasons behind your actions.
The reasons could be many and they are all relevant, when it comes to you sitting down and calmly analyzing the little things that went wrong and how the relationship has taken a completely unwanted turn since it started. If things have gone south for you, as compared to how wonderful the relationship was during the first few months of seeing each other, then confronting and dealing with those relationship issues would be your best solution.
Give Each Other Space
Insecurities occur when men do not make women feel secure enough, it's as simple as that and there are no two ways about this fact. The trouble occurs when women start judging. I'm not saying don't judge, do so if it is needed. But to unnecessarily spy on his whereabouts and fearing he would cheat on you, the moment you look the other way is seriously unhealthy and acting paranoid. Let him be, like you would like to be left alone sometimes. We all need our space to breathe and to do the things that we once enjoyed doing. Things that you did for recreation, before you met him and he met you. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you try and change him into something completely different, and mind it, don't let him even attempt to do the same with you. In order to enjoy a healthy relationship you need to practice, 'live and let live', and in spite of that, if he is trying to live with someone else, while he is living with you, then leave him!
Talk to Each Other
Being a clingy in any relationship will only make you look needy and demanding. Though consider this, that your man, might actually be good for you and really worth it. Maybe it's you who is pushing him away with your doubts on his character and constant nagging. Would you like it if he kept complaining to you about all the things you did and said? After a point we all tend to lend a deaf ear to these tantrums, because no one asked for it and no one should need it. The first step to rectify the damage done is to talk it out, communication always helps break the ice. Remember not to turn the conversation into a blame game, it's going to end badly and you surely did not intend for that to happen. Trust issues in a relationship are a major cause for creating rifts among couples.
Clingy Girlfriend Signs
If you associate with majority of these points then you are being clingy and need to stop yourself now!
- You expect him to keep you informed about his whereabouts at all time.
- You despise your boyfriend having any female friends and constantly have arguments over this subject. Exception to the rule: These circumstances will not apply if you are sure your fears are valid, that is if he is too involved with an ex-girlfriend or if he is giving more than required attention to a particular women and soliciting her calls too many times in a day and meeting her too often. If that's the case then you should let him know that you feel uncomfortable about the situation. Trust me, if you were doing the same, your boyfriend would let you know as well.
- You expect him to call you many times in a day, and feel irritated and angry when his phone is busy with another call.
- You keep finding faults in his personality and behavior. Even though he acted the same when you met him initially.
- You secretly keep a check on his emails, social networking wall page and read his personal messages. Exception to the rule: If you find him spending too much time chatting on line or talking on the phone instead of talking to you. That too when neither of you get to spend much time together because of a long distance relationship, work trimmings or office, etc.
- If you know you feel extremely jealous and agitated, when he mentions about his family or other women in a purely platonic fashion. You suffer from a constant fear of infidelity and therefore often accuse him of trying to cheat on you.
- You keep grudges and can't seem to forgive him or forget minor disagreements. You always bring up the issue and want to have the upper hand.
- You do not let him speak, or cut him off mid conversation, because you feel he is not making sense and that you are right, he is not.
- You are afraid of being lonely and fear you will harm yourself, or threaten him that you will harm him as well as yourself physically.
How to Stop Being Clingy
In order to have a balanced and healthy relationship, you need to know how to not be a clingy. Here are some very wise and universal relationship advice to help you evolve your relationship into something positive and long-lasting... just like the diamond ring you've been eying.
- Let him go hang out with his friends, male as well as female friend. They are just friends and we all need them, don't we?
- Regulate your phone calls to your boyfriend, do things that keep you busy and not stuck on why he hasn't made his 10th call of the day yet.
- Start a new hobby or resume your past hobbies that you enjoyed and were good at. It could be anything from painting, singing or even shopping! Let him know you have a gala time of your own.
- Make a new social circle, by meeting old friends and making new ones. Have a balance and make both male as well as female friends. Let your boyfriend enjoy his social life as well.
- Throw a party or go to one when invited, take a break, let your hair down and have fun. Invite your boyfriend to join you if he wishes to come.
- Give romance a second chance, try to do sweet things for him. Indulge in activities you both, once enjoyed doing together such as taking walks, going on bike rides, cooking together, etc.
- Try making small gifts or gifting special things to your partner.
- Stop arguing and start talking like adults. Convey your feeling without fear and do not insult him by disregarding his point of view. Remember there are two sides of a coin and maybe there is a better solution to the dispute than yours.
Question Why You're Being Insecure?
It is quite normal to yearn for your lover's company, as often as possible. However, ask yourself as to why you are feeling this sudden urge? Is it you who wishes to spend more time or is it him, who suddenly doesn't have enough time for you? It maybe very possible that you haven't changed the way you behave, but he has become increasingly impatient with you. This may actually reveal that the problem does not lie in you but is in fact in your boyfriend. Many couples tend to take each other for granted as they spend more time together and their relationship feels more or less well settled in. In which case, it might be prudent for you to point this scenario out. Maybe he has been going through a rough patch in his personal or professional life, the part that does not directly include you. In which case give him his space to deal with the issues. In case you feel less regarded, you might as well come out into the open about it, rather than harvesting ill will for one another. With time the dynamics of relationships change as well, and perhaps the two of you do not hold the same expectations from one another. If you feel your priorities and the promises that were made to you are not being met, then you must discuss the problem as soon as you can. Perhaps it's not you who is being clingy but your boyfriend who is being a bit too distant. Think about it well and clear.
When you are done implementing all these changes in your daily life, your relationship will automatically become more stable than it ever was. I'm sure this approach will ignite the faded fuzzy sparks in your relationship once again. If all these prove ineffective, then maybe you're in a bad relationship, and your boyfriend is equally to blame or maybe more so. So ladies, turn the page and make a fresh, brand new start.