"Honey, I'm working late."
Probably the oldest and most exploited excuse that any man has ever used. It is usually used when the man in question is cheating on his wife/girlfriend with his secretary or any other colleague. It's not like they have to think too hard to conjure up this excuse, all they have to do is pick up the phone and say "honey, I'm going to be working late tonight." Some even guilt trip their lady by giving her an expensive gift, and then saying that they need to work hard to maintain their lifestyle. If you suspect that your man is cheating on you, ask him questions about work, in the most tactful way possible, without seeming as if you're accusing him, or just surprise him by just dropping in one night with a small, quick meal. Before you make the decision to talk to him about this habit of working till late, take some time out and think, does his job require him to spend weird hours at work? In short, does he have a legitimate excuse for staying back at work? Has he been genuinely busy, and crunching in last-minute work even at home? If yes, then please consider these points before taking any rash decisions.
"I need to be in (name of city) for a conference for the entire weekend."
Many married women might be able to relate with this excuse. When the relationship is new, the husbands or boyfriends try to spend as much time with their women as they can, by taking them out for romantic weekends, dates, etc. But as time passes, some men get a little too involved with their work, or take on a mistress. She's the new shiny toy in his life, and he starts spending more and more time with her. So much so, that he starts taking her out on romantic weekend getaways, and keeps the girlfriend/wife at home, saying that he has a conference, or a client meet out of town. If he is leaving telltale signs of having an affair
, like telling the girlfriend/wife to not drop and pick him up from the airport, making sure that his passport and tickets are safely kept away, being secretive till before the trip, telling his partner about the trip at the last moment, etc., then there is a need to check his whereabouts.
"Darling, I am feeling under the weather today, I think I've caught some bug, can we meet once I'm better?" OR "I have some family coming over, and I need to spend some time with them."
This excuse is always given to girlfriends―obviously, men can't say this to their wives. If they have another woman on the side, men will try to make time for them, to keep the relationship fresh, and also because they get a thrill in it (many will disagree with me on this, but it's true). Men will try to spend as much free time as they can manage, with their new woman, and sometimes (actually many times) end up compromising on the time they spend with their girlfriend. The excuse mentioned above will not only give them time apart from their girlfriend, but they also think that their girlfriend won't doubt them. It's just silly, 'cause women are smarter than that, as this same excuse has been used so many times by cheaters that it has become old and stale.
"I'm off to the gym, or I am playing a game of tennis or golf with my friends."
Going to the gym to work out gives a man a few hours to spend with his new lady interest. If he's skipping out on gym, or not really playing, he forgets that the effects show on his physique. Regular exercise and sport, tones the body, so if your man has not been going to the gym regularly or playing any sport, he will not appear toned. Another excuse that falls in the same category as this one is, "I am going out with the guys for a few drinks." Men use this excuse so many times that it's the first clue they give their partners if they are cheating. Easiest way to countercheck on him, without him getting suspicious of your actions, is to invite his friends over for dinner and strike up a conversation about their newfound love for sport. If he is not cheating, and just wants some guy time with his pals, then the explanation you get about their games, will be till the last detail. But, if your partner is cheating on you, he will either tell his friends to cover for him, or he will keep postponing the dinner saying that his friends were busy.
"We were on a break, so it does not count."
This one is credited to Ross Geller from the popular sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S. where Ross sleeps with this other woman and tries to explain to Rachael that they were "ON A BREAK!" Absolutely not done, 'cause even if you are on a break, you have not completely ended the relationship, right? And what if the guy purposely decides to go on a break, only so that he can indulge in coitus with other women, and live a guilt-free life (at least during the relationship). If the woman did the same with the guy, wouldn't he have dumped her, or made her feel guilty for the rest of her life? Duh! Being on a break is the lamest and dumbest excuse to ever be used by a man to justify his cheating. Most men don't realize the difference between taking a break in a relationship and taking one from a relationship. The former means giving space, and letting some breathing space, and thinking time for both parties away from each other, whereas the latter means completely ending all ties with each other. If your relationship has ended, there is no reason for any accusation, but if you're just on a break, and the man or woman does end up committing adultery, then it classifies as cheating.
"She's just a friend, it didn't mean anything."
There are two parts of this excuse that can be analyzed. 1. She's just a friend, and 2. It didn't mean anything. The argument for both are extremely simple. If she was just a friend, how did you end up having an affair with her? There is always an invisible boundary or line maintained in a friendship, which one should not cross. Crossing it ruins the friendship. And the other part signals if she really was your friend, how would it not mean anything? Some feelings must have been attached, right? Why would someone want to jeopardize both relationships (friendship and the romantic one), for a casual one-night stand? Sometimes, I feel that men really take a woman's intelligence for granted. They should come up with foolproof excuses, better yet, not cheat at all. On par with this one are, "I was drunk," "It was a mistake," "She was going through a tough time and it just happened," and "It's all your fault." Flimsy and sloppy as these excuses are, they still end up hurting sentiments and breaking hearts.
Now, this is one excuse that always has a mysterious part to it. Some men have an affair, most get caught, and many claim that nothing really happened. How is their claim true on any ground? If nothing happened, how was it an affair, and how did he get caught cheating? Ironic isn't it, that men actually have an affair, and do not do anything? Not having a physical involvement and just having an emotional one classifies as something happening. Technically, something did happen, because he did invest a lot of feelings in his other woman.