Should I or should I not? Or should I wait? Honestly, it is tricky to know when it’s the right time to propose. So, while most of us (all of us) are confused, we have gone the extra leap in decoding the mystery of when should you propose, in this LoveBondings post.
“Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: (1) finding the right person and (2) being the right person.”
― Carrie P Snow
Falling in love is not an effect of gravity. Liking someone to the extent that you could spend your entire life with that person is a crazy reaction that science cannot explain. So, here in this article, we are not going to calculate or chalk down norms that decide when is it the right time to propose. A simple answer to this question would be, “you would know when it is time!” Now I know this is a vague answer (and you probably are freaking out!). There are signs that you need to understand, a one-on-one that you need to have with your relationship data, a decoding of what you feel, and a bit of instinct. Put these all together and you will know whether or not and when do you pop the question. We will take you through a simplified maze that would guide you to that perfect time to propose.
When Should You Pop the Question
Is it the number of years of dating? Or is knowing him/her family, interests, flaws enough to decide when and if you want to propose? Let’s face it first–deciding on marriage is a big decision. Way bigger than the beautiful experience of falling in love! It’s like the stakes are going to be pretty high or low. The ‘hitch doctor’ suggests you check the skies for a pleasant weather before you take the parade. Here is how you could do it.
Is this love
“Oh hell yeah it is, I just love the way she flips her hair, the way she dresses, and the way she calls me honey bun …”
No. Not this kind of ‘oh-my-gosh-you-take-my-breath-away’ kind of love. If you still see the world dissolving around when you are with him/her, if the butterflies still do the rounds of your stomach, then you have fallen in love, but in the kind of love that you may soon fall out of. Rest assured that the initial days of your relationship are going to be flawless, making you feel like you are made for each other. But wait for this attraction to subside and real matured love to surface.
And this love is not going to surface until you give it time. It is only after this crazy attraction fades that you will decide if he/she still takes your breath away, and if the answer is yes, maybe … it’s the right time to propose.
(*On the other side, it is also very important to be in love when you propose; you cannot marry somebody you don’t love!)
Do I know you enough
“Seriously? Yes, I do. I know he loves baseball, I know his favorite team, that he loves to tweet, and that he is allergic to peanut butter …”
Honey, now that’s what you want to put up on his Facebook profile! Ask yourself if you know your partner well-enough to spend your entire life with him/her. And yes, that is the norm. You need to understand him/her as a person, as an individual. Does your partner make you feel at home? Does he/she support you emotionally–even against all odds, supports your dreams, respects your individuality? Do you feel in sync with each other? Do you feel secured when you are with your partner always? If your mind rings in affirmations with all these questions, then it ‘is love’ after all, and you can take the next step!
Do I still have to impress you
“Umm … sometimes. When we talk on the phone, go for a long drive, when we have lunch, go to the movies … I never meet him sans makeup, and yes, I am at my best behavior too.”
While getting to know each other and when the relationship is still very naive, you dress to kill, talk like sugar, and do things that your partner would like. This is pretty normal, but after a certain time, all these things that are done to impress slowly dissolve. And you get comfortable being what you really are with your partner. You will no longer feel the need to be impressed or have to impress him/her. If this does not change the feelings of both of you, if your flaws are accepted as a part of you, wait no longer, and start shopping for the ring!
I trust you and how much
“I completely trust you when you text me about your whereabouts and when you keep me updated. Come on, I definitely trust you when you are with me …”
Trust forms the foundation of any relationship. Do you trust your partner as much as you would trust yourself? Well, it takes time to build trust in a relationship. And that is the point. Marriage and spending the entire life together is going to take a lot of trust from both the ends. Sometimes, just love is not enough, and this stands true as the basics of a strong relationship. So with trust and loads of it, you will know it is just the right time.
Do you love me enough or equally
“Now why do you ask? Of course I do. Only when you do the dishes every weekend, stop suffocating me with excess love, and stop being what you are …”
Oops! I think we have an error. It reads, ‘ERROR 040 – love not found!” Conditional or one-sided love calls for a reexamination of your relationship, if you are thinking of proposing. It is important to understand and gage what your partner thinks about the relationship. Does he/she love you equally and believe in the concept of marriage? If it is just a passing affair or if your partner does not ever want to get hitched, you might just freak her/him out by proposing! A relationship gives you enough perspective to read what your partner thinks. Look for the hints and watch for those signs that lead.
Are you my friend
“Of course I am your friend! Except when you need understanding or a shoulder to cry on (you freak me out with that!). I think we are good friends!”
A matured relationship gives you loads of love and a good friend in your partner. When you start getting more comfortable as friends, (and trust me you do, at some point) the relationship gets more fulfilling. You can still not get bored of each other when romance takes a backseat for a while. In short, you don’t have to pretend, you can just be your own self. If your partner makes a good friend, he/she will make a good companion for life too.
Do I share the money and finances
“Well, yes. Let me get this clear baby. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is ours right? We can share the money once we tie the knot …”
Whoa! Now that calls for a serious rethinking over your decision. Before you propose, you have to be clear and sure about the spending and finances. Getting married invites many responsibilities. When you are in a relationship, things are clear and separate, including the finances. But once you get married, you really can’t divide the finances without making rules. Would you pool the expenses, will both of you opt for a job, how many hours would you put in work, and how much time can you give at home and to your partner? All these are important aspects that can affect your relationship in the later stages. If your partner likes to spend, it may be so that he/she ends up spending your money after getting married. So, all this math must be worked out in a way that suits both you and your partner before you pop the question.
Do you love children
“Awwww. Of course I love children honey. But only other people’s children …”
Do you or your partner want to have children once you marry? If your partner does not want children, despite you wanting to have them, it sure can create a lot of tension in a relationship, especially after marriage. This can be a personal decision, and you cannot believe yourself to the extent that your partner may change his/her mind after marriage. No. It does not work. Both of you must come to a mutual decision, respecting each other’s expectations. If one of you wants kids and the other does not, things can get messy after marriage with clashes in your expectations. Once you get a clear picture, you could take things forward!
Is sex enjoyable
“Now you’re talking! Well, yes it is. It gets monotonous at times and boring after a while. But if you ignore the poor spark and failing chemistry, I think it’s great going …”
When I use this word, it covers a lot more than simply making love. It also refers to the passion, intimacy, physical and mental satisfaction, and happiness. Do you have a fulfilling sexual compatibility? Is the lovemaking enjoyable, do you flirt with your partner without the expectation of making love, are you and your partner happy with the lovemaking? Well, sexual dissatisfaction is the prime reason why marriages do not work. A healthy sex life, good compatibility, and intimacy are all signs of a great relationship ahead.
Waiting for at least a year before you propose is advised. Don’t compromise on time when it comes to understanding your partner. You need to be fair and judge yourself and your partner on the above parameters. As mentioned in the beginning, you will know when is the right time. At the end of the day, do you feel secured, do you understand your partner and his/her expectations, and do you both feel good around each other? Most importantly, do you really want to get married and spend the rest of your life with each other? If in most cases, the answer is a yes, you might want to start shopping for that ring!