Wasn’t being clingy totally a girl’s thing? Flash news is, guys can also be extremely needy, cuddly, mushy, and emotional. Not that it’s bad to be all of that, but he wins the title "clingy" when it gets too much, like seriously too much! If you seem to be sailing in a similar boat, this LoveBondings post will give you advice on how to deal with a clingy boyfriend.
From Perfect to Needy to Dangerous!
The kind of boyfriend we’re discussing here seems to be absolutely perfect in the beginning. Everything is just like a fairy tale. Slowly you realize that he needs you around ALL the time. And it has been observed that people like him can also have dangerous tendencies of harming himself or/and you, in the process.
We are not trying to scare you, or say that your boyfriend is a potential suicidal case or a murderer. The aforementioned has usually been observed in case of guys who turn out to be clingy. Seriously, think about it. This guy was the perfect friend. Someone who knew what to say when you’re upset, someone who was always there to listen to you, someone who was amazingly sensitive to your needs. You thought he was the answer to your prayers, he made you believe that the whole dating process is not absolutely hopeless, and that you can still find the knight in shining armor in the world of the mean and insensitive.
You start dating and slowly realize that not only is he sensitive to your needs, turns out he is a sensitive and needy man himself. Well, we all tend to be clingy and emotional at times, so there’s no judging at this stage. You love him, you do all you can to accommodate his needs, but wait, he wants to come with you at your girls’ night out? He gets upset if you don’t reply instantly to his calls and messages? He gives you ultimatums―either him or your friends? Hang on a minute, these are classy signs of a clingy boyfriend!
HOW TO HANDLE A CLINGY BOYFRIEND?
You had good times with him, there is definitely something in this guy that made you go gaga over him in the first place, right? But now that you guys are officially dating, and we assume that both of you (yes, you too) are madly in love with each other, it gets a little difficult to convey your frustration when he overtly expresses his neediness to be with you all the time. You appreciate the fact that your man is so mesmerized by you, and so deeply in love with you, but you also fear that this behavior of his is making you feel smothered. Perhaps you feel guilty to feel this way, thinking that the man clearly does this out of love, but sweetheart, there is nothing to feel guilty about. If you strongly want to save your relationship before he reaches the heights of repulsion, try doing the following things.
The First and Foremost Step: Communicate
In all relationship problems, be it due to any reason, the first and foremost thing to do is to communicate your issues openly with each other.
Tell him that you love him a lot, but you are just not the person who is into the whole 24X7 keep in touch, 100 times a day I LOVE You’s, and YOU AND ME every moment kind of relationship. Of course, you don’t mean that you don’t want him to be around you, but tell him that you would love to be yourself while you’re working, studying, or are out with friends or family. You like the whole thing of coming back to him in the evening or the next day and tell him of what has been happening. That sort of helps keep the spark alive for you. Communicate this message in a very loving and polite manner. And tell him that’s how you function.
Emphasize on the ‘Me Time’
Love does mean forever, and forever is given because you also need to accommodate your individuality in it. Explain it to him that a good relationship isn’t about playing the role of a shadow, but it consists of many other roles, one of them is to give each other some space.
Just because you love water doesn’t mean you sleep inside an aquarium, or a wet bed? Encourage him to ensure that he spends some quality time with his friends, say, go for outdoor games, go to the stadium to see his favorite team play, perhaps catch up with old pals over drinks and snooker? Explain that you wouldn’t mind him taking occasional “Boys’ Night Outs”, and he should be okay with you being with your girls too. Tell him that if he misses reading his books at peace, or playing video games on the computer, you miss a few solitude recreational activities as well. And you both should not let go of that ‘Me Time’.
Define Your Expectations
A relationship is all about meeting each others’ expectations in the right manner. For instance, his agreeing to let you go for a girls’ night out is of no use if he calls you every hour to ask what you’re up to, or to say that he loves you and he is missing you a lot!
Explain that you are just not the kind to keep your phone next to you all the time, and if it ever happens that you are not able to respond to his normal I Love You message, or to callback after seeing his yet another call, it is okay. You know that he loves you, and he should know that you love him too, which is why you’re there with him. One call a day is okay, one call every hour is too much for you. Be very clear of what you expect from him, and ask him of what he wants you to do to put a rest to his fears and insecurities about losing you.
Compliment Him Often: He Needs Assurance
In most cases, the underlying cause of the guy being so needy goes back to his childhood. If he has been brought up by a single parent, if women he loved in the past, be it his mother, sister, high school sweetheart, etc., have left him eventually (perhaps due to death, cheating, or something else), then it is easy to understand why he behaves the way he behaves.
Therefore, assure him, as often as you can, that you are happy with him, and you appreciate him in your life. Compliment him for his looks, a nice gesture he did for you, his thoughtfulness that melted your heart. Do this before he even asks you of it so that it eases his insecurities a bit, and also gives him a hint that genuine compliments shouldn’t be asked for.
Set Parameters to Avoid Goof Ups
In the first point, where you start with the communication, you must nicely tell him of the things that you do not appreciate. One of them is likely to be the constant asking of whether you love him or not? How much do you love him? Are you planning to dump him? How important is he to you … and it goes on and on. Although we believe that things should happen naturally in a relationship, but if his attitude has brought it down to this, then it must be done. Set parameters in terms of how many times it is normal to call you, or, message you in a day. Tell him it is not okay for him to be at the same mall or cafe where you are out with your friends or colleagues, that often! A poem or song is fine on anniversaries, once or twice a year maybe, but not every other day. And yes, for every time you meet, it needn’t be a rain of hugs, cuddles, kisses, holding hands, or physical contact of some sort or the other.
At times, it is that little distance that keeps you connected with each other. The excitement to meet him and tell him about your day, the feeling of missing his presence when you are away, all this kind of adds up to the flame of love. And if you don’t get that distance, if there is literally nothing new to share or discuss, the excitement in the relationship ceases, and slowly, the relationship becomes more of a burden, a trap, a suffocating nothing! The success of the implementation of the aforementioned steps varies from case to case. We have seen cases where the guy has really changed, of course, with time and a lot of patience, but it has happened. On the other hand, there are certain guys who suspect your intentions behind every advice given to them. Probably you’re saying it to mask your affair? Alternately, there are some guys who are well aware of these clingy tendencies, and yet, they choose to not do anything about it. If you really don’t know what to do with your guy, then, it comes down to just this one thing: Make a decision, take it or break it.