It takes two to be in a relation, and two to make it work. Given that one of the partners is shy and doesn’t acknowledge the relationship as freely and comfortably as the other, what happens next? Now that’s a serious problem indeed. You are in love but in denial, here are the tell-tale signs of a person who is emotionally unavailable.
Have you noticed these traits?
Work-related issues crop up every time you plan something personal.
You are always complaining your partner has no time for you.
You are always cribbing he never pays attention to what you speak.
You find him always occupied on the phone/laptop.
Your partner almost always forgets to call or respond to your messages and calls.
Your supposed better half always evades personal questions.
He/she has difficulty accepting emotions.
He/she isn’t good at relationships.
Signs of commitment phobia.
In the initial stages of your relationship you assume your partner is an introvert. You think to yourself, over time, he/she will change and be more open to publicly accepting you. Headstrong that you are, you decide to change this person with your love. But does this really happen? Well, if you are lucky enough, this miracle may be a reality. Just in case you have fallen for someone who is evasive and has emotionally shut him/her to the world then you are in hard luck. Sweetie, brace yourself, this person is just not that into you.
The Incomplete Picture
Does your partner avoid questions regarding…
… the past
… the plans for the future
… problems in the family
… relationship with the family
Does your partner share with you his/her…
… feelings about work or people in particular
… thought process
Are you perpetually…
… giving more than you receive
… the decision maker
… the communicator
If you’ve answered yes to most of these questions, you already know the answer. Your partner has provided you with an incomplete picture and there is no guarantee that this will ever get complete. You might never get to see the other side of him/her and yes, this person will continue to evade your questions, ignore your emotions and present you with a plethora of excuses.
Tell-tale signs of emotional unavailability in a relationship
Baby, let’s not tell others about our relationship yet
Well, as painful as it can be, it is true. If your partner fails to acknowledge the relationship in front of either of your friends then, know for sure, you’ve fallen in love with a person who is never going to be there for you. Forget about talking to anyone about your relationship, such a person will find it difficult to express his thoughts to you as well.
Well, let’s just say he hates discussing any aspects of the relationship, which of course will keep you perpetually hanging onto false hope.
Honey, I’m busy. We’ll talk later
How often does this happen?
You: Baby, can we go out for dinner tonight?
You partner: No darling, not today I’m a bit occupied.
You: Sweetie, you know I’d be worried. Why didn’t you call?
Your partner: Oh sorry honey, I got stuck with something.
Okay people, here’s your cue to probably quit thinking about this Miss/Mr. perfect. You do not want yourself to be left with an achy-breaky heart, do you? (P.S. You can pardon the occasional excuse of not being available.)
Besides, if it’s always you who is making the effort of keeping in touch then what’s the use?
I like you, but I don’t really love you
Yeah, the spark is missing. He hates talking about the relationship. Doesn’t like answering your queries about seeing a future with each other. Answers all your questions with a ‘maybe’ or simply gives you a silent treatment for all the plans that you share.
You are more likely to receive gifts, chocolates and stuff, but not the person you love. To say the least money is not a problem here, it’s the emotional baggage that he is scared of sharing with you.
Everything’s official behind closed doors
Holds your hand
Cuddles up to you
Confesses his love for you
Doesn’t hold hands
Doesn’t acknowledge your presence
Let’s just say he is shy and leave it right there.
Are you by any chance the third angle of a love triangle?
Chances of you being one are high. Why? Because you do not know where your partner is most of the time. It could also mean he/she evades questions regarding his/her past because the past is not yet left behind.
One moment your hopes will be raised with your partner promising you a wonderful future. The next moment you are sitting there sulking there’s nothing much you can do. You continue swaying expecting the unexpected with this man/woman of your dreams, one moment of joy and pleasure and the very next of sadness and gloom. The truth is, you’ll never know or probably you might.
Who Said ‘I DO’?
The picture says it all. You simply can’t bring up the ‘M’ word with an emotionally unavailable person. Try it out and this is going to be your situation.
Piece of Advice
“Don’t Fall in Love With a Dreamer”
“Don’t fall in love with a dreamer
Because he’ll always take you in
Just when you think you’ve really changed him
He’ll leave you again
Don’t fall in love with a dreamer
because he’ll break you every time
So put out the light and just hold on
Before we say goodbye”.
– Kenny Rogers
Change is not the key word here, healing is. A person who is emotionally unavailable is most often trying to recover from a hurtful past. In such a case change is possible not when you try hard to bring about one but when the individual personally wishes to do so. Better luck to you though.