An obsessive love addiction is a serious problem which can derail a life. Read on to know about love of the extreme kind and what one can do to recover or help someone recover from such an addiction.
“A mind can make hell out of a heaven and heaven out of a hell” – John Milton
Obsessive love addiction is a grave problem, that can plague the mind and destroy a person. As John Milton has said, a mind is its own place. When it loses balance, it can go into a self-destruct mode, hurting a lot of people in the process. It is one such kind of imbalance, which can drive a person crazy, plunging him into the depths of depression and irrationality.
It can turn something as sublime as love, into an irrepressible desire to own and conquer a person. It is a vicious irrational desire, which can only end in total annihilation, if not treated early. In psychological terms, an obsessive love addiction can be classified as an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
Nature of an Obsessive Love Addiction
What is love? If you ask me, it’s a tender feeling, which is a combination of adoration, attraction, affection, mutual respect, intimacy, sharing of core values, caring and camaraderie, that you have for a special person in your life. Everyone of us wants to be loved. Some are lucky to love someone and be reciprocated back with love, while some are unfortunate to be not.
There are some who find love and lose it. In either case, there is a possibility, that the rejected one or the person who has been dumped from a relationship, may never recover from the depression and anger that follows.
When feelings are not reciprocated in love, life can be tough for a while and that is but natural. How people react to rejection in love, speaks a lot about them. This also tests the man or the woman. A person could let go or he could keep holding on. This is the point where love can transform, into an obsessive addiction, when one decides not to let go.
That is also the point where it ceases to be love. It transforms into an irrational desire to own that person at all costs. An obsessive love addiction is the result of an ego being hurt and not a heart. When ego raises its ugly head, love is replaced by a desire to conquer and possess a person. Then a rejected lover can resort to stalking, violence and cause a lot of trouble. Obsessive love and stalking are always a part of the pattern.
The people who are prone to show obsessive behavior in relationships, are the ones who have been deprived of love early on in their life. They are the ones who are vulnerable to an obsessive love disorder. They are usually deprived of the love and care that a person should get in his childhood. They usually turn out to be tough but cynical loners, who hide a soft and insecure mind under a tough exterior. They usually put up a lot of defenses so that nobody is able to invade their soft and emotional side.
When somebody does reach in and get through their defenses, they find the love that they have been deprived of, for so long. They find their world in the person, who is their new found love. What they have gotten after so long, they hold on to, very tightly. That is where the problem of obsessive behavior starts.
They become extremely possessive about that person and demand that their partners be with them all the time. They literally smother their partners with love. They get exasperated usually, in providing the love of a mother and a lover at the same time. The partner doesn’t get enough of personal space and time. The obsessive lover does not have a life besides them, but the partners may have a life of their own.
Slowly, the partner starts feeling suffocated in the relationship and he/she wants to put an end to it. This is because the possessiveness turns it into an abusive relationship at times.
When these obsessive lovers are dumped finally, they cannot get over it, because they do not want to get over it. It is like their world has been taken away so they will fight to get it back. As I mentioned earlier, after that point, it’s no longer love. It is just a selfish, irrational desire to conquer a person. This is what leads to an obsessive love addiction. This may not always be the scenario, but in most cases it is.
Obsessive Love Treatment
Treating such an addiction is possible, if the person afflicted by it, realizes what he or she is doing is wrong and needs help. Help can be found in a good friend or a good counselor, who can bring them back to their senses and put them back on track. However, they can only show you the way.
It is you who must realize the futility of the obsession and let go from within. Here are some tips that may help you out. Mental illnesses are more complex than physical disorders. They take time to be treated. Healing a mind is a tough job but it can be done with patience.
Understand What Real Love Is
When you love a person, you want him or her to be happy, with or without you. When you want to possess that person at all costs, despite him or her wanting to end the relationship, it ceases to be love. What follows is pure obsession, which is an outgrowth of ‘self-love’. It shouldn’t even be referred to as obsessive love, it’s purely an obsession.
Love can only be experienced, when there is no ‘I’ or ego involved. It’s about giving, without the slightest thought of return. Obsession is a toxic thought that evolves out of a self-centered thinking process. Let go of it, by understanding the true meaning of love.
Your mind has gotten into a loop, a recursive flow of thoughts. The more you feed these thoughts, the more they grow like a wildfire spreading into your mind, destroying peace. Your happiness lies in freedom from these obsessive thoughts. Strive to achieve emotional independence by focusing on making the best use of the present moment.
Live every moment, being mindful of what you are doing and your mind will slowly learn to stop running back into the past. Focus on the present and give it your best. Be patient, don’t expect miraculous results, in a few days. Strive to be a better person every day and mindfully focus on the present moment, making best use of your time.
You are Not Alone
Understand that you are not alone! No matter how much you feel that you are alone, there are people, who are willing to help you. Reach out for help, there is nothing demeaning about it. First step, as I said before is accepting that you have an addiction problem and something should be done about it.
This addiction is not making anybody happy, that is, neither you, nor your former lover. This is a sickness of the mind. Only, like a sickness of the body, this one cannot be cured with medicine or injections. It needs time to heal and for that you must talk to someone close to you. Reach out to any one of your close friends or a psychiatric counselor.
Let go of all the bad memories and let the past bury itself. It will take time, but eventually you must let go of that failed love. Remember the good times that you had. Life is too short to hate and you have a right to be happy.
Hold on to the best times you had and let go of all the unpleasant things which happened. Some things are beyond our control and how a person feels about you is one of those. Why moan about something which is beyond your control? Just let go of it.
Get a Life of Your Own and Regain Balance
You must get over the illusion that you are somehow terribly incomplete without another person! Yes, one needs love and you will find it again eventually. However, before that, you must analyze what is wrong with you. There is an imbalance inside you, that has driven you to do desperate things. You must find yourself again. They say, to find yourself, you must lose yourself.
Find something that you used to love doing and start following it up. Don’t think a lot. You need to slowly explore and get to know yourself. Discover what all you can do. Do things that you enjoyed doing as a kid. Join a sports club or any place where you can follow your hobby or sport. Be your best friend. Think positively and do not let negative thoughts invade your mind!
Give out Love and Be Loved
Somebody has said, if we are all alone, we are all together in that too. Look around you. There are so many people who feel alone and neglected. Help them out. Visit an orphanage or an old age home. Genuinely help people out with whatever you are good at. Trust me, there is a lot more satisfaction in seeing a happy face because of you.
To be loved, one must give love. You will find friends. Balance your work life and keep yourself busy. You will meet new people and there will be new beginnings! Believe in yourself and your abilities. You will find again what you have lost. Take the first step and all else will follow.
Obsessive love, like any other addiction is a bad habit that has gotten into the mind. Any obsession ends when you realize the futility of it and take resolute action to prevent it. Realize what true love is. You have got only one shot at life, make the best use of the opportunity. If this write-up really does help somebody, I will consider my job, well done.