A rebound relationship is the one you get into just after a break-up. It is a relationship that you get into so that you can distract yourself from thinking about your ex. It is also a sort of a shortcut to get over your ex. However, why do people do this? Well, after a break up, when you ask your friends how to get over a break up, they'll tell you that old dating tip about you needing to get into a new relationship and moving on. Not that they are wrong, a new one may make you get over an old one. But the problem with this is what its name tells you about it. It's a 'relationship on the rebound'.
The Mechanics of a Rebound Relationship
In my opinion, most of the time, these kinds of relationships just don't work. Let us review the events that lead to and happen in one.
- Event #1: You break up/get dumped by someone you really love.
- Event #2: You sulk and wonder, 'Why did he/she leave me?'.
- Event #3: Your friends cannot bear to see you sad. They take you out to bars and lounges to prove to you that there are many more fish in the sea. You, on the other hand, sulk.
- Event #4: Finally, after a lot of convincing, and your inherent desire to prove to your ex boyfriend/girlfriend that dumping you was a big mistake, you hook up with someone new.
- Event #5: You parade your new girlfriend/boyfriend around town. You follow your ex and show off the fact that you could indeed find 'true love'. Your ex doesn't really care.
- Event #6: After you realize that your ex didn't even give your new flame a second look, and is in fact quite content with himself/herself, you realize that the basic premise of your current relationship is revenge. It is not only a wrong way to start a new relationship but has also been an awful flop, and if you're not even sure of your new flame's last name, then you should know it's over.
What went wrong here? Simply speaking, this was not a relationship at all. It was an arrangement. The basic premise for a relationship should be love and a common desire to keep each other happy. If you started yours with the objective of getting revenge; well, then it's going to be a pretty bad experience for you and a worse for the 'love' you found on the rebound (who will probably badmouth you for treating him/her the way you did).
Rebound Relationship Advice
So then, what is the best advice to fix that achy, breaky heart? Well, rebound relationships after divorce or a breakup are not the way to go. Yes, you need to find someone new, but not ANYONE! Take your time, find someone you really like, someone that you share a lot in common with, someone you think you can love for the rest of your life (you may not, but it is always better to start on that positive note!). A loveless relationship only leaves a trail of broken hearts and mends none.
On the other hand, if you are in a relationship with a person who just got off a bad break up, run away. Women are more prone to fall into one with a man who's looking for a rebound because their caring, maternal nature leads them into feeling sorry for him and help him at the cost of the woman's own pride and time. So, the best advice for women is to stay away from such guys. It is rare that a man will fall for a woman on the rebound. If you do not know whether the person you're dating is doing so for revenge/self-image improvement, the signs are quite easy to identify. They don't listen, they look around, they don't talk, when they do talk- it's about their ex, they take you on a detective trip to follow their ex, and the worst case is when they draw unfair comparisons between the damned ex and you, with you being on the disadvantaged side in the comparison. Dump that person, you deserve better!
Now, after all we have said, it is up to you to decide whether you really need a rebound relationship. If it's based on love, it does. If it's based on revenge, you're going down!