It's a beautiful feeling when you spend your life with the love of your life! You not only live with the person, but you are a part of the person now. Having your own little world with your spouse and kids makes one feel eternally blessed. But, after spending a first few blissful years in matrimony, it so happens at times that the multiple responsibilities of kids, family, work and other day-to-day activities; creates a gap between you and your spouse. The busyness from fulfilling the needs of the children, fulfilling the boss's expectations, makes you so tied up that you hardly get the time, or even the feeling of holding your spouse's hands, or just kissing your spouse without any reason, or, maybe spending some quality time with your spouse! And then you realize that the spark that held your marriage together is missing. When such a stage comes, it is crucial to immediately start taking efforts for reconnecting with your spouse before it is too late.
Ways to Recover and Reconnect With Your Spouse
Reconnecting with your spouse doesn't require rocket science techniques, but it does require simple and conscious efforts to regain the spark in the relationship. You need to find the person whom you fell in love with, with whom the world seemed so beautiful, even with its problems. You need to find the person with whom you vowed to be with, always, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health. You not only need to find your spouse, you also need to find yourself, find what you used to be before the chaos and the responsibilities. Responsibilities were there even then, then why is there a need to reconnect in your marriage? Here is what you can do.
Many of us won't admit it, but we tend to get all hyper over small stuff after marriage and kids, without even realizing it! First things first, panicking and shouting will NOT be the solution to the issues! On the contrary, this attitude tends to create a gap between you and your family, and you would never want to do that! Be relaxed and calm. Try to solve the problems or situations in a calm tone and NOT by shouting and panicking. Shouting leads to arguments and arguments leads to fights! You want to support and not leave your spouse alone! Before you react to a problem, just think if all the panicking and shouting is even worth it? Will it really matter in the long run? Maybe the problem won't, but the words and attitude will definitely affect the relationship between you and your spouse!
Choose an Alternative Over Clashing Opinions
You can't have the same thinking and opinions as your better half. There always comes a time when you just can't do things the way your spouse wants them. I have no idea why, but this happens almost every time after marriage! If you and your spouse have different opinions about an issue and if you can't accept what he/she says, then choose a plan C instead! Many of the long time married couples follow this policy and guess what, they are still together and very much connected! :)
No matter what life has to offer you, looking at the bright side of the situation. Being encouraging during troubled times can do wonders in your relationship with your spouse! No one wants more load when it's difficult to handle what one is already weighed with. Things can be hard and frustrating for the both of you, but then, right now your spouse would need you, and you need to be there with your spouse in every possible way. Be the positive strength and support and the bond will grow more strong.
Spending some quality time together isn't possible during normal days where you are surrounded with your kids, or, when your friends and relatives know that you are there at home and they can easily barge into your crib. What is required to walk the gap between you and your spouse, is to spend some quality time alone. Send the kids to school and then spend some time together! May be, go out for lunch or watch a movie, you can also visit places you used to visit when you guys weren't married. Talk about the good memories, the romance that you did, the crazy things you did to court each other..., and you can suddenly start seeing the lover in your spouse again!
All of us have hobbies, but living a life full of responsibilities and commitments, pushes us away from them. At weekends, instead of following your usual routine, why not spend time with your family and YOUR SPOUSE in doing your hobby. For example, if you like cycling or surfing, why not drive to the beach and do all that! This will also give you opportunity to express your affection and show your warmth to your spouse forgetting all your worries and responsibility, at least for that very moment.
Recreate the romance in your life by having date nights! What to do with the kids? Let them go for a sleepover at a friend's, or a relative's place. Once in a week or two is no big deal! And then enjoy your date night. This will make you wanna dress up to impress your spouse just like old times, wearing your best, going to your favorite restaurant and having a sip of your favorite wine, along with some good food and music! Try to exchange gifts, they don't need to be expensive, but just a sweet little something that you and your spouse can cherish forever can do wonders. All of it will make you realize that you still love your spouse and so does he / she.
Be More of a Friend Than a Spouse!
There is no greater joy than marrying your best friend, isn't it? Don't let the best friend fade away in being a spouse! What's the difference? Best friends never argue, they advice. Best friends are not demanding, they are giving. So try to be the best friend and notice the difference.
With kids, jobs, responsibilities, and other social commitments, the intimacy between you and your spouse is compromised, which is a major reason behind you guys drifting from each other. Bring back that passion again, bring back the hot romance. You both know it that you need it, so instead of waiting for the other one to initiate, why don't you take the responsibility to arrange the second honeymoon. It needn't be an exotic location, you could do it in your own bedroom. Plan it out in a way when you have the whole house to yourself. Decorate the room with flowers and scented candles. Why not have a steam shower together, and bring the passion on! Even on a normal day, leave naughty messages on his table, give him an unexpected kiss, give him a massage when he is back home tired. And gents, the same is expected from you!
Have a Short Memory
Always remember what is worth a smile, and try to forget what brings tears. It's difficult to let go of things said and heard in the past due to arguments or fights. But then, who doesn't tend to spill out harsh words in anger? Realize that your spouse is also a human. Learn to forgive and forget. Don't cling to the past and make your present and future worse! If your spouse has apologized and is sorry from the heart, then you need to be forgiving too.
If you and your spouse are religious, then the best way to emotionally reconnect is to pray together. Hold each others hands, listen to each other when praying. Remember, you guys are not complaining, but just telling God how you feel. May be you and your spouse can do something to answer each others prayers. Apart from that, the feeling of being together once again in the presence of God, will give you a sense of togetherness and belonging.
If You Are Wrong, Apologize!
Ego is something that should never be allowed to come in between couples. I mean ego for what? For who is right? Common!! When it comes to you and your spouse, it should be 'WE' and not 'I'. Ego comes where there is an 'I'. You are united as one and that is how you should take your relationship. So, apologize when you are wrong! There is no harm in that. Swallow your pride and then never let it come back again in between you and your spouse!
Give Each Other Space
Never nag! Even if you guys are married, you still have other people in your life, other hobbies, other friends! It's not always possible to be a part of your individual interests, together as couples. It's important that you accept each other with your individual worlds. Give each other some space, let your wife have a girls night and let your husband go to watch baseball with his friends once in a while.
Show Each Other the Trust
I remember a quote that I happened to read once, "Apologize when you are wrong and shut up when you are right." Even if you are quiet you know that the trust will always be there no matter what. What is most important to sustain a relationship is the trust! Place and show your spouse that you trust him / her at all times. These words work as magic and the support that these words generate, can build up a strong base in your relationship.
Be a Kid with the Kids
You don't always need to show your responsible mature side! At times, wake up the kid inside you. Be playful, be cheerful, play and laugh with the kids and your spouse. The entire family can play together, laugh together, spend some quality time together! How does it help reconnecting with your spouse? You are showing your fun side and that is one way of spicing up your relationship with your spouse, isn't it?!! And laughter once again proves to be the best medicine!
I hope this article has proved to be of help to reconnect your marriage. These steps are just small, but important observations that we fail to notice in our busy schedule. All you need to remember, is that your schedule, your work, should revolve around your family and NOT the other way round, which is usually the case. The journey of reconnecting with your partner and falling in love again can be as romantic and exciting as the time you first fell in love. In this case, you are just making attempts to fall in love all over again! All the best.