Become a Contributor

Sexless Marriage

Sexless Marriage

Many couples, behind a facade of happy marriage, live together as roommates for years without any physical relationship. The following article lists some of the reasons which make a couple lose sexual interest in each other as well as some tips on how a couple can fix a sexless marriage.
Aastha Dogra
Last Updated: Dec 09, 2017
If you find yourself stuck in a sexless marriage and feel that it is an unusual situation, you are absolutely wrong. According to statistics, about fifteen to twenty percent of all couples are in a sexless relationship. It can be defined as one in which a couple has sex only ten times or even lesser than that in one whole year! Such a marriage may not always be unhappy, still, as compared to those where couples are physically intimate on a regular basis, it is much more vulnerable to end up in a divorce. That's why, instead of ignoring this marital problem, coping with it is what all couples should look forward to doing.


Although, we have developed and liberated as a society, still the basic reason why a man and a woman fall in love and form a relationship, remain the same. A woman wants a man who will take care of her, make money for the family, and protect her from any potential dangers, while a man wants a woman who looks up to him, gives him undivided attention, and takes good care of his home and family. There may be some couples who do not conform to this cliche, but here, since we are talking for the majority, so we will not take them into consideration. If either the man or the woman fails to fulfill these roles, the relationship can take a toss and one of the consequences would be a sexless marriage!

Let's think of different situations that might lead to such a situation.

Reason 1

What usually happens a few years down the line in a marriage is that the man and the woman become busy with their careers. They bring their stresses from work home and right into their bedroom, thus reducing their physical intimacy.
Reason 2

Another situation can be where the woman is at home taking care of the kids and the man is working hard to fulfill the financial needs of the family. This situation may create lots of conflicts between the couple, with the woman feeling frustrated as she is out of the workforce and thus, starts holding the man responsible for it. The man on his part, finds himself unable to make the woman happy and may start feeling that he has failed as a provider.

Reason 3

Another possible reason is that the man and the women have lost all romantic and sexual feelings for each other. This could be because they both do not care about the way they look anymore, or because they are bored with each other or they have certain grudges against each other. Whatever might be the reason, if the man and the woman love each other, they should try to fix this problem, instead of seeking divorce.

Tips to Fix a Sexless Marriage

If you find yourself in such a situation, it's very important that you fix your problem. One of the foremost advice for men and women is to get yourself physically examined by a doctor. Lack of inclination towards sex could be because your partner is experiencing pain while intercourse or the man might not be getting a proper erection. These things can be treated medically and thus, will help your situation.

Eliminating stress from your home, particularly the bedroom is very essential. Make your bedroom a peaceful and relaxing place by moving out all electronics, including computers, TV, laptops, and things, like newspapers, office files, any sports equipment, etc. The bedroom environment can really affect your and your partner's mood, so keep the bedroom clutter free as much as possible.

A very useful advice for women and men is to bring the romance back in your married life. Go on dates. If you have kids, arrange for a baby sitter twice a week when you go out for dinner with your spouse. Do fun things together, try adventure sports, take some hobby classes together, basically, do things to bring the passion, excitement, and togetherness back in your marriage. A good idea here would be to seek counseling. A professional is any day better equipped to suggest ways to bring life back into your relationship. Also, do not ever blame your partner for this situation. Both of you should equally take responsibility and solve this relationship issue together.

As sex is a basic human need, many couples resort to extramarital affairs, while keeping a happy marriage facade in front of the society. Some marriages may ultimately end in divorce when the situations gets out of hand. But as is said, "to each his own", the final decision on whether you are happy in a sexless marriage, you want to pretend to be happy, you want to fix the problem or break away from it, is completely yours!