Do you experience a non-stop fear of losing control over your boyfriend? Are you tempted to be part of every weekend plan that he makes? If your answer to both the questions is yes, then you are likely an obsessive girlfriend….
Until a few days back, you seemed to be the center of your boyfriend’s attention but now he seems to be distant and aloof. You felt that you will lose him to other girls if you don’t express your love every now and then. So you made every effort to tell him how much you need him and love him, but the words have now started having an opposite effect on him. All I can say is, there are huge chances that you are unintentionally chasing after your boyfriend and that may actually push him further away from you.
Ways to Stop Being Obsessive with Your Boyfriend
Let Him Call You First
Stop being desperate all the time to hear his voice. It is completely a bad idea to call him 10 times a day to check on his every move. He would get a feeling that you are playing a detective by keeping a track of his schedule. Moreover, men are attracted to interesting and independent girls. Calling him repeatedly would give him the impression that you have no other important work. This is one of the biggest turnoff for men.
Stop Repeated Gifts and Messages
Stop sending flowers, gifts, greeting cards, messages repeatedly to your boyfriend. It may make him feel like you wish to win his love by showering gifts. A side effect of such gifting might be that he will assume that you are needy.
Stop Asking about His Feelings
Do not expect your boyfriend to express his feelings about you and your relationship everyday. It is quite possible that he loves you a lot and expects you to understand this fact without him having to mention it everyday.
Give Freedom of Making Plans
It is important to understand that he has his own set of friends, family and colleagues with whom he loves to spend some quality time. Do not expect him to invite you for every weekend plan he makes. Also do not force him to be part of every plan you make. It is essential to give each other sufficient time away so that you can value the little time you get to spend together. However, welcome him to join you if he wishes to be part of your family celebration.
You may have had a bad relationship previously. But that is no reason to start snooping around your present boyfriend all the time. Trust is the basic foundation on which any relationship gets built. It is essential for you to fully trust him and be understanding. Let your relationship be crystal clear, where he feels guilt free to go out for lunch with a female colleague or an old female friend. It is quite possible that you may develop doubts about some of his actions but it is essential to come out in the open and discuss them immediately. Never ever sleep over any misunderstandings, lest they blow totally out of proportion.
Learn Body Language
The longer you are in a relationship, the easier it gets to judge your partner’s body language. Fact is unlike women, most men are predictable. If you find out that he is not in a mood to speak with you at the moment then back off immediately. It is a bad idea to impose yourself on him all the time. He needs some space too.
Make Plans Carefully
It is important for you to not impose your own ideas on him each time. When making plans for a vacation or for watching a movie, discuss and come up with the best plans that are agreeable to both of you. You may have to make compromises once but remember that even he will make compromises next time. Similarly, it is a bad idea to accept every plan of his blindly. At times, it’s okay to reject his idea and gently propose your idea if it is logically better.
Your boyfriend need not be the sole mission of your life. It is not necessary that you should be around him all the time. Dedicate some time for yourself and your personal growth. If you are passionate about a particular sport or art, then go out and thrust yourself into the activity. Make new friends, do some social activity, get a new hobby and if not anything else, then get an interesting job. Basically do what gives your body and soul full satisfaction.
Plan Special Days
It is a good idea to plan your special times together in advance. That way he gets something to look forward to and think about you. Also, he can plan out his own schedule to fit his other plans and responsibilities. e.g: If the two of you are meeting for a Sunday brunch, then casually mention about your plans for the day after your time together. You may make some weekly plans such as some joint sessions at a salsa class.
It is important to keep in mind that both of you are different individuals with your own set of values. Do not nag him all the time and try to change all his habits to suit you. After all, you fell in love with him for what he has always been right?
Stop Being Clingy
It is a good idea to let him make his own plans with his friends once in a while. You may want him to be around you but it is essential to give him his own freedom and space. Do not make him feel guilty about having made such plans. Even if you are disappointed, you can at least act supportive and encouraging.
Be Open Minded
Personally, I suggest that you be a keen listener of his problems. Similarly, it is important to remember that you cannot always be right and he cannot always be wrong. Exchange your ideas peacefully and remember it is not shameful to say ‘sorry’ wherever necessary.
To be an obsessive girlfriend is like digging the grave of your own relationship. Fact is, many girls begin loving and caring for their boyfriends but soon this affection turns into an insecurity of losing their boyfriends to other. This insecurity may or may not be rational. Let yourself loose and give sufficient breathing space to your boyfriend so as to have a balanced and healthy relationship in your life. It is worthwhile to remember the age-old proverb ‘Live and let Live’!