Not only are abusive relationships painful, but they are also very difficult to come out of. This Buzzle article discusses some abusive men signs that each woman should be aware of as in most cases, by the time a woman realizes, she is already deep in an abusive relationship.
It all seems hunky-dory in the beginning. However, it’s only when they have delved deeper into the relationship with their abusive boyfriend/husband, do women realize that all is not well in paradise. The sad truth about such relationships is that it is not so easy to read abusive men signs. Had that been the case, there wouldn’t have been as many instances of women suffering in abusive relationships as are reported every year. In fact, in the United States itself, there are as many as 4 million women who are abused by their partners, every year.
The problem of abusive relationships has two dimensions. Firstly, abusive men traits are not evident in the beginning. Secondly, in many cases, women are swept off their feet by statements like “You are the only one for me”, made by men with an abusive streak. This confession is done with such conviction that the sun might rise from the west, but a woman in love with an abusive man can’t disbelieve him. However, it’s very important for every woman to be able to identify abusive men signs so that they are able to handle the situation wisely, in case they find themselves involved with such men.
Why are Some Men Abusive?
In most cases, abusive men are victims of abuse themselves. It could have been physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. This negatively affects their psychology and personality, and destroys their ability to rationalize events, and even their abusive actions. For those who have not been abused directly or have seen violence at home (for example, the mother being abused), it leaves a deep impact on their psychology. Such a sharp divide of power and ‘say’ in the family, often gives such men an impression that abuse against women is justified. Much of the reason for this psychology finds root in our socio-cultural milieu, in which, male authority goes unquestioned.
Signs of Abusive Men
All said and done, the fact still remains that abuse by their male partners is a threat that every woman is susceptible to. The following are some of the tell-all abusive men signs:
- Jealousy and Possessiveness: Jealousy and possessiveness are integral components of all abusive men stories. An abusive man will be overly possessive about his partner to the extent that he would fail to understand the relationship of his wife/girlfriend with her family or friends. He thinks that his partner is his property, and refuses to recognize her as an individual. He may try to isolate his partner and be suspicious about her meeting her male friends or relatives.
- Controlling Behavior: The story of abusive men and the women who love them is all about control. This is one of the most deceptive abusive men signs, as it is always cleverly hidden under the guard of ‘concern’ for you. An abusive man would want to control your finances, your job choices, and even the decisions regarding which friend you want to go out with. Be careful of such attitude. Initially, it may appear disarming; however, over time this very ‘caring’ attitude would become stifling.
- Unrealistic Expectations: An abusive man would expect his partner to be the perfect wife, mother, or girlfriend. He would expect her to provide for every need of his – financial, emotional, or spiritual, and in case she fails in any of her ‘duties’ as he sees them, he would criticize her insensitively.
- Superiority: An abusive man is always right. That’s what he thinks of himself. He would use this logic to justify any acts of violence that he commits. He would say “You made me angry, that’s why I hit you”.
- Stereotyped Gender Roles: An abusive man would never see his partner as his equal. For him, she is always stupid and inferior. Hence, she should obey him and carry out all his orders, however illogical, inhuman, or even criminal they may be.
- The Blame Game: Did he lose his job? Did he abuse you of late? He would always find a reason for the negative situations in his life. However, the catch is that he himself would never be the cause. He always blames others for his failure or abusive behavior to the extent that he would hold you responsible for him reacting violently.
- Erratic Mood Swings: Almost all women who are victims of abuse by their partners say that other than the episodes of abuse, their boyfriends or husbands are loving and gentle. In fact, they are apologetic and caring after the abuse has occurred.
- Refuses to Seek Help: An abusive man has an unfailing belief that he is always right. Then, why should he seek help? He would never admit to his mistakes. Instead, he would put the blame upon his partner or his children.
Other Abusive Signs to Look For
- History of violence towards his ex-partners
- Disrespect towards women, even his mother and sister
- Cruelty towards children and animals
- Moves fast in his relationship
Dealing with an abusive man is very difficult. Despite this fact, abusive men and divorce do not occur together very commonly. It is because most women think that they can change their partner. In case you are one of these women, think twice. Abusive men traits can only be treated with long-term therapy or counseling. But, it is very difficult to make abusive men agree to such treatment in the first place. He may cry and beg for you to return and promise to treat you right, but do not be taken in by his pleas. Consult his therapist before deciding on moving in with him. Even if you do reconcile with him, keep your eyes open for the abusive men signs to resurface as this is a deep-rooted trait that is difficult to get rid of.