Relationships come with their fair share of ups and downs, and it doesn’t get any different when you’re dating a man who’s been recently divorced.
As our lives are getting busier by the day, our relationships, too, are coming with an expiration date, if the rising number of divorces are anything to go by. Whether a relationship lasts forever, or fizzles out in a jiffy, we can never really stop looking for love and companionship. Having gone through an unsuccessful relationship, a recently divorced man is no different. Being human, he is bound to reach out for company, and you may possibly figure on his radar.
Solely from the woman’s point of view, is dating this man any different? Is the woman risking a potential heartbreak? The answer, is a very plausible ‘yes’. The precise reasons behind this may vary, but the vulnerable state of mind that follows a split is mostly the reason behind the man’s inconsistent behavior.
So then, is dating a recently divorced man a strict no-no? While it is certainly difficult to answer that with a yes or a no, what would help is knowing what’s in store for you when you decide to go out with a man who’s just got out of a marriage.
Finding True Happiness…
It is rightly said that when you’re in love, you know it. For some of you, it may be too early a stage to decide whether this guy is for keeps, but there are certain unmistakable signs that tell you he’s the one. To begin with, it would be unfair to expect something long-term from a man who’s just turned single, possibly after a long time. A sound piece of advice would be to take each day as it comes, and not rush into anything, even if it feels like heaven every time you are together.
Emotional trauma and stress are an integral part of all divorce proceedings. Additionally, there could be financial burdens as well. Things could complicate further if there are children involved. This guy possibly has his hands full with all of these, which could distract him from focusing on your relationship. Ask yourself if you are well and truly ready to play second fiddle to his problems, and if the entire exercise is worth it. It can’t be denied that a man who has just stepped out of a marriage comes with some weighty baggage. He may be in a phase where he just wants to vent out his resentment towards relationships or wants to enjoy his new-found freedom. In both cases, you need to steer clear of being the unfortunate victim of his circumstances.
When faced with a dilemma such as this, you’d rather give this man his space to sort out his life before he thinks of making you his companion. Pushing him to be attentive towards your needs will drive him away, and frankly, it isn’t even fair on either of you. After all, you are entitled to find your happiness, and in no event should you ever compromise in that department.
Handling the Ex-Factor…
Considering that this guy is out fresh from his divorce, his ex-wife may consistently figure in his conversations, or she may be omitted completely. Either case, that’s not a good sign for you, as it signifies that she’s still on his mind. Yes, even if he doesn’t say a word about her, that doesn’t mean he isn’t thinking of her, or thinking of something related to her; could be alimony, could be dividing their assets, or even sharing custody of their offspring. Speaking of which, there could be a child/children who will be a permanent part of your equation with him. Initially, you may not be in the picture, but eventually, his children are going to play a major role in your life directly or indirectly.
Finance is another practical aspect to be considered, even if you may never be dependent on him. Divorces are very expensive, and it may leave a gaping hole in his finances. Your man may prioritize re-stabilizing his accounts over your nurturing relationship, and there is a possibility of you being left in the lurch. Are you going to like that? Possibly not.
Notice the Subtleties…
And finally, this guy’s behavior towards you holds the key to the life of your relationship. Since this man has just gotten out of a serious relationship, he may want to play the field or (re)sow some wild oats. This isn’t exactly good news if you’re looking for something on the lines of long-term. Watch out for these signs, and bolt at their earliest appearance.
- Your conversations entirely revolve around him whining about his miseries and you being the proverbial shoulder-to-cry-on.
- He keeps using terms like ‘friends with benefits’, ‘casual’, ‘booty partner’, ‘just good friends’ to describe your relationship.
- You keep experiencing a few days of toe-curling romance, followed by long periods of cold detachment, every now and then.
- It’s been a few months that you’ve been dating, and you still haven’t seen his home; he only chooses to hang out at your pad.
- A few months on, you still haven’t met a single friend/colleague of his.
The bottom line here, would be to proceed with caution. You’ve found yourself a guy who is probably at his most vulnerable state right now. The best thing to do then, is to give him time and space to clear his mind, and probably focus on being friends. If it’s meant to be special eventually, you’ll be the first one to know.