When a relationship that was built on trust, friendship, love, and commitment comes to an end, the pain is first felt in the heart. In today's world, it doesn't matter where you live, who you are, or how old you are, many couples are getting divorced. Separation is tough on anyone, regardless of age. But when you have spent your almost entire life building a home, a family, divorce can come as a challenging hurdle. Leaving a home which was once meant for the entire family to be together in, is not easy on anyone. After a long married life, a couple doesn't just become "best friends", they take one another's form. Your spouse has been right there at the front line, supporting you all through your difficult times. Although today, that support isn't with you and you're alone to handle unexpected surprises waiting for you in the future.
It would be for me to say that divorce doesn't have its good or bad sides. And I'm not even going to argue over the fact that divorce is the right or wrong decision an individual takes in his/her life. Every couple has their share of misunderstandings, issues, arguments, quarrels and dissatisfaction in their marriage. But the decision to go their separate ways lies entirely up to them; and no one is allowed to judge that decision. What makes this time challenging is the fact that the questions seem to pile on without finding itself a clear path to follow on. So what happens next? Where does one go after being separated from their spouse at this age? Are there any tips or guidelines that one needs to follow? Is there a handbook that states what to do next? So many questions...
Surviving Divorce for Over 50
Separation after the age of 50 is just as terrifying as if it were at the age of 25, 30, or even 40. Divorce for women after the age of 50 is just as rough and challenging as divorce for men after the age of 50. There can be several reasons behind you or your spouse taking the decision of getting a divorce. The most important thing to remember is that no matter what, you can't dwell on the past. Reliving and rethinking your decisions will only make matters worse. Moving on after divorce is tough, agreed, but it's not impossible.
Take Time to Grieve
Divorce is dreadful on the toughest of hearts. And when the separation is at this age, it can come as a surprise in your life. You've spent so many years that breaking up a family is the last thing on your mind. But if this decision is carried through, you have to cope with the situation. Series of emotions surge in where you're absolutely astounded and confused as to what comes next. Anger, depression, sadness, remorse, guilt, all these feelings come crashing in and you are left picking up the remaining pieces of your life. Which is why, the grieving phase has to take its course. Even though there will be many people giving you advice about how you should stay positive and you can build a new life after divorce. All true, but when a heart is hurt, you need to pay attention and mend it. You can't just stop loving your ex just because you got a divorce and you certainly can't stop living your life. The balance in your life has been shaken and it can take some time to "fix" it.
Divorce over 50 or any other age, professional counseling should always be an option you are ready to undertake. Many times, even positive thinking and a new direction in life can't help you find answers to the countless questions. Due to which, there are people who avoid such questions and pretend nothing is wrong. Instead, you need to face the conflicts in life, at this stage, and find out who you are as a person. Any doubts or uncertainties in your life should be addressed as keeping things unresolved can bring in more doubts, insecurities, and negativity in your life. If you feel you require professional help, asking for one is nothing to be ashamed of. You are an individual who is going through a tough time in his/her life and handling different challenges in life may not be such a bad idea.
Keep in Touch with Friends
Avoiding friends, family members, and colleagues is no way to live. We all require human contact and cutting ourselves from the world can't be the right option. It is natural in such situations that you wish to stay alone with your thoughts. But being alone with your thoughts can also bring in feelings of guilt and negativity. These are the feelings that you need to avoid as much as possible as they come in the way of your happiness. Divorce may look like as if you have wasted your life, but that is exactly what you need to change. Yes, a family did fall apart and there were broken hearts. But today is a new day that comes with its own set of challenges which need to be resolved. Your friends and family are the ones who can help you come out of all this. Their undying support will bring a positive attitude in your life and you will want to move ahead.
Establish Your Own Identity
A divorce can never take away your identity. You are still the same person who has to achieve his/her true destiny. Your achievements at work, love and support for family and friends, all these things combined makes up for who you are as a person. If you have kids that are still living with you, the responsibility of their well-being falls on your shoulders. If they see you breaking down, it will be difficult for them to wrap their heads around the whole situation. How you see yourself plays a huge role in how your kids, rest of the family and friends look at you.
You are the only one who is capable of altering your thinking about how life will be after divorce, regardless of age. Look ahead towards your future, think about the better and happier times from your past, and give yourself a chance for a beginning. Regrets and guilt won't lead you anywhere. He has given us life, let's just try to make it the best one ever.