Once two hearts, mind, body, and soul have met, the separation is a difficult pill to swallow. How does someone go from building a life with their spouse to wanting to break the relationship, and move on? All this gets left behind are questions with no answers to fill the void.
The most difficult step is to let go of someone who once meant the world to you. And that feeling right there is one of the main reasons why moving on after a divorce can become complex. No matter what the reasons may be for your decision, it's safe to say that imagining a life ahead might seem scary. When we become comfortable in our routine lives, changing it drastically is never straightforward as the past won't leave our sight. But you can look at things in a better light. The past was, is, and always will be with you. What you need to do now is find a way to cope with this change and get back to a better, more productive life.
Steps You Should Take
When a marriage decimates, both parties get hurt. Most of the time, it's not just the couple who breaks up and gets a divorce. There are kids involved as well, and when you think about how this will affect them, it can give you sleepless nights. Dividing of the house, money, and other essentials can take a toll on you, and finding the right path to bring yourself to a normal routine becomes necessary. After you've made the decision, it may take some time for you to not feel sad, stressed, or hurt. But the fact remains that you can become a stronger, more confident human being.
- Don't skip the grieving phase. Many times, some people tend to make themselves and the world think that they are over it all. When you have spent years with the most important person in your life (at some point), it is natural to feel depressed, sad, angry, hurt, and scared. Take your own time to accept the situation and don't rush your true emotions.
- Know that there is life beyond your marriage. It might seem impossible at the moment, but as you give yourself time to think things over, you will see that you don't need someone to give approval on your identity. You are a strong individual and there's nothing that can shake it.
- If you have kids, then you have a responsibility towards them as well. If you breakdown every time, they will see this and might think that it was their fault for the divorce. Instead, you can talk to them about what happened, the real reasons, and why this step was important. Also, it is necessary for them to believe and trust you that no matter what happens in the future, their parents will always be there for them.
- Stop denying that it happened. Sometimes, marriages don't work. But, that doesn't mean you need to stop living your life and pretend everything is okay. Accept the reality, no matter how tough you may think it is because without this conscious effort, everything else you wish to do and accomplish in your life will fail.
- Although you can't put a time frame on how long will it take for you to accept and grieve for your relationship, life doesn't really wait for anyone. You have many more commitments and responsibilities in life, including yourself. You own it to yourself to bring a positive change in your life and build a better future for you and your family (if you have children).
- Only you can make yourself believe that there is a future for your beyond all of this. And, you are the only one who can change this idea into a reality. Take as much time you think is necessary to heal your heart, but don't feel that you can't do anything ahead; because you can.
- Even though you have reached the brink of a divorce, this doesn't solidify the fact that everything is lost or bring the thoughts of regret. You need to reverse the negative feelings and thoughts into positive. See what you can gain in life with your new-found freedom. Perhaps now you can get more time to go after your passion (cooking, traveling, painting, music, etc.); grab life by the horns.
- Don't be alone, or cut yourself out of the world. Perhaps in the beginning, isolation might be required to gather your thoughts, adjust yourself with the current situation, and get used the idea that you just went through a divorce. However, you need a support system from your family and friends who can help you through this. You might wish to stay away from everyone, but honestly speaking, healthy company is always better than an idle mind.
- Get back to work or find something new that excites you. When you become busy in life or have something else to think and concentrate on, negative feelings don't get a chance to return. Go out with friends; take short weekend getaways with your kids, family, and/or friends. Involve yourself into something productive and see how you begin to smile in no time.
- Finally, I would like you to take care of yourself. Divorce makes some people do things they wouldn't in any other situations. I am talking about starving yourself, not getting enough sleep, poor hygiene, and most importantly, drinking excessively. By doing any or all of these things, your marriage is not going to be mended and you're not going to hurt anyone, but yourself. Instead, you can take up some hobbies, do yoga and meditation, go swimming or hiking with friends, listen to music, and read your favorite books.
- There are various reasons behind why a marriage fails, but that doesn't mean you take the entire blame onto yourself. The events that lead to this decision wasn't anyone's fault and you don't need to look at it that way.
Life is unpredictable and that is why we have to evolve ourselves to fit in its mysterious molds. The above mentioned tips weren't given concentrating on a particular gender or age group. The tips and suggestions on moving on after divorce apply to both men and women. Live the life that you've always wanted and don't regret any decisions you make. This life is the only life we have; so let's make the best of it.