Ending a relationship can be pretty traumatic for the two people involved. The fact that the relationship ceases to work, in spite of putting your heart and soul in it, is enough a reason to call it quits. However, ending any relationship is never easy, as there are so many emotions to be dealt with - guilt, sorrow, anger, bitterness, fear, jealousy.
Dumping someone is as bad as being dumped. In fact, it is more difficult because there is an additional responsibility of breaking the unpleasant news to the person you truly loved and felt closed to. Although, the pain associated with ending your relationship cannot be alleviated completely, you can at least minimize it by ending the relationship gracefully.
Ending a Relationship
Knowing When to End
A relationship does not come to an abrupt end, all of its own. There are signs and hints everywhere, that the things are not working out as expected. Pick up these hints and try talking things out with your partner. Reasoning with your partner can help you understand the cause of the troubled relationship. If it is of temporary consequence, then a little patience on your part can solve the problem. If there is a lingering relationship issue which has no solution or you are in an abusive relationship then there is hardly any point in staying together. Remember, call it quits only when you are absolutely sure that there is no way to save your relationship. Many a time, couples rush into a break-up, only to regret it later.
Do Not Procrastinate
It is a human tendency to procrastinate important decisions in life, in a hope that if you delay, life will correct itself. Unfortunately, this is not how things work in practical life. Everything happens for a reason and you have to instigate the reason. Procrastinating your decision of relationship break up will only postpone the aftermaths, not alleviate them. Most couples stay together longer than they should have been, just because they feel comfortable that way and are too intimidated to step out of their comfort zone. They are extremely unhappy, yet comfortable. However, if two people are not destined to stay together, sooner or later, they'll have to part ways. And, the sooner it happens, the better.
Gather Your Courage
Coming face to face with your own decision of ending a relationship, in itself, is very intimidating. But this is the time to gather your courage and work out your decision firmly. Make a list of what are your expectations from an ideal relationship and what your partner has to offer in return. The large rift will help you to gather your courage and execute your decision with minimal guilt. Once you gather enough courage and are feeling absolutely confident about your decision, prepare yourself to break the news to the other person.
Do 'It' in Person
No matter how scared you are to face the other person and break the unpleasant news to them, you should always do it in person. Frequent tiffs and your changed body language in past few days are bound to give them subtle hints about the end of a relationship, nearing. A simple 'We need to talk' will allow them to anticipate what's coming on. Breaking the news on phone, email or worse, SMS is a strict no-no. Resort to telephone only while ending a long distance relationship. In all other circumstances, meet the person in question and break the news to them as nicely and politely as you can. It is always a good idea to choose a place where you both first met, to indicate that the relationship has come a full circle.
Be Ready to Face the Storm
You can expect the other person to react in the strangest possible way. However, if the other person is equally eager to end the relationship, you'll have to face little or no retaliation and the things can actually go smoothly. However, if your news has taken your partner by surprise and caught them off-guard, you can expect an avalanche of emotions to take you on. Initially, there will be a lot of screaming, crying, accusing, which will be followed by promises of 'good behavior' in future.
It is extremely important to maintain your poise at this state, unless you want to create an emotional mess for you to clear later. Always remember, you have seen enough of 'good behavior' of the other person and you arrived at this decision as an ultimate resort only. Do not give in to any pleas or requests and do not get cozy with the other person, under all the circumstances. In short, avoid doing anything that will emanate a hope for the other person.
This is the toughest and the most painful phase after a break-up. Moving on after a break-up, especially after ending a long term relationship, is definitely traumatic. If your break-up was a mutual decision, then you'll at least not have to deal with bitter feelings. On the other hand, a bitter break up can drain you emotionally and financially, in some cases. However, it is important that you prepare yourself to start your life afresh and without any strings attached. Try to keep the contact with your ex to bare minimum, if it's not possible to completely cut it off. And most importantly, do not rush into a new relationship immediately after ending a relationship.
Parting ways with someone you loved and cared is definitely not easy, but sometimes you are better off without that person in your life. It's not like people who break up, do not care for each other. You can care a lot for a person, love them truly and yet not want to live with them. Loving, perhaps, has little to do with living together and hence, many people who breakup still love each other a lot. There is nothing strange about break-ups these days, as they have become a part of life for the modern youth. In fact, break-ups are the hitches that man encounters in his constant pursuit of true love.