What are we to do and how are we to get back with the ex boyfriend when he has a new girl on his arms? Maybe the following post will help. Why? ‘Cause it provides for some pointers on how one can go about doing that in the sanest possible way.
“A man is lucky if he is the first love of a woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man.”
― Charles Dickens
Day in and day out you hear of couples breaking up. But then, you also hear news about couples getting back together again. And just as there are scores of reasons for why a couple would break up, there are just as many reasons for why a couple would get back together … as simple as that, right? Not quite. It’s never as simple as 1+1=2 where relationships are concerned. What if your ex has moved on, is in a new relationship … and as perfect timing goes, you now realize that you want him back. What now?
A horribly lonely and anxiety-ridden place it can be when you find that your ex has moved on and you’re still stuck in a place where his thoughts come knocking pretty often. Horribly, horribly lonely. The reasons you guys broke up could be many, and maybe, at that time, the decision to breakup did seem like the most correct and practical one to take. But then, the feelings aren’t gone and you miss him. And you know there’s someone new, but you allow yourself to oscillate between being insecure, angry, and a mix of several other emotions. Then doubts start making way and you start to wonder whether you’ll breaking up was such a wise decision after all. No matter who initiated it. That’s when you start feeling like you want him back.
Can it work? Can you ever make it back with an ex? And if you can, then the question of how to get your ex boyfriend back when he has a new girlfriend will start to make an uncomfortable entry into your mind … over and over again. The more you’ll think about it, the more it’ll start to seem like it’s the best idea ever. The following section deals with what can be done in this situation and how to ensure that there is least amount of damage incurred.
How to Get Him Back When He Has a Girlfriend
You want this to happen fast, don’t you? Like you wish for it and poof! there it is happening right there for you. Not going to happen. There is no way of getting your ex boyfriend back fast, nope. It just has to take its own course. No matter how anxious you are. The following are some factors that you will have to look into.
Be Sane and Insanely Busy
When one is in the intense throes of emotions, the sanity and wise thoughts don’t have much to say. No matter how much you miss him, and no matter how desperately you want to call him, here’s a piece of advice―don’t. Give yourself time.
Don’t go making desperate clingy calls over and over again. Don’t make drunken calls of how you miss him and want him back etc, etc. Wait this period out patiently till you think you’re strong enough to take sane decisions again that help you keep your self-esteem intact. This can get very tough to do when you’re constantly thinking about him and doing nothing much else to keep yourself busy. In the initial stages, surround yourself with friends and go do whatever it takes to not be thinking about him.
Ask Yourself Why You Want Him Back
When you’re over that initial stage and can think again, you need to do some serious introspection. Why do you want him back? Is it because you miss him, are used to him, see him with someone new? None of these reasons suffice. Think about why you broke up. Is it because he cheated on you or because you realized that you’ll were not compatible? None of these reasons suffice either. If the relationship has problems to begin with, there is no amount of getting back together that will solve it. The reason to get back together should stem from something more genuine.
Hope it’s a Rebound
If the love was true and the reasons you guys broke up was something that can be worked on, then you need to fervently pray that what he has going with this other girl is a rebound relationship. Statistics prove that people who get into relationships relatively early after a breakup usually do so to fill a void, and these relationships are not the real thing. If that is the case then he probably won’t be in that relationship for long.
Show Him What You’ve Got
A break up can take a toll on a person, and there is a possibility that you might start neglecting yourself. It is important to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and show him what he’s missing out on.
Psych yourself into being the most confident and the most accomplished you’ve ever been. You know what his favorite joints are―go there with a group of friends and have a blast. Party like crazy, flirt like crazy, and be happy like crazy. Do not give him the feeling that you can’t cope without him or that your life is at a standstill because he’s no longer a part of it. When he sees that you’re doing just fine, maybe even better without him, and he sees all those guys hovering around you, there will be that one tiny thought nudging him (if not blaring across his brain with neon lights) about why he let you go. I know it sounds much simpler to read than to do, especially when you’re breaking inside, but try. When you see him looking at you like that, believe me, the satisfaction you feel is … out of this world.
Start from Scratch
Hm. What if you broke up with him, he moved on and now you want him back? Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. He is not an elastic band that you wax and wane as and when you want. You need to want him back because you really want him back and want to make an honest go at it; otherwise, it is just not right. Be ethical when you do this. Think about the fact whether you would want someone doing the same to you and only then get to it. Here are some steps that you can follow:
• Be friends first. That means no pleas and no confessions. Simple friendship. He needs to trust you again and you need to ensure that.
• Apologize if you broke his heart. Knowing that you are sorry for the way things worked out will help his healing process and get you to be friends faster.
• Be there for him whenever he needs you. Call him or message him neutral things in the day. Like a favorite tune on the radio. This will tell him that you think about him.
• When the friendship has reached a comfortable stage and let’s hope the rebound relationship has fallen through, there might be a time when he might start to think about you guys together. If that happens, you will know that he’s OK with and maybe even thinking of getting back.
• Be absolutely sure that you’re not reading too much into it. Wait patiently and observe for similar clues. Once you get them, then you can start to hint at getting back by using sentences like ‘I miss the way we were together’ etc.
After this one, whatever happens is a matter of what is going on in his mind, the mental status that he is in, and what he wants from the deal. If all goes right and the need to be with each other (for real) shines through, nothing can stop it from happening. No exs, and no whys.