There are endless stories, of how some abusive relationships are just dragged, without reason, without value. Women talk about being at par with the male counterpart, but relationships are just one quotient they cannot stand with their strong image and brave heart. Carried away with emotions and tangled in early threads of love, women are natural absorbers. Most of them will do whatever it takes to make their relationship work. They do not want to lose the love of their life, no matter what it takes out of them and even if their partner is a total loser!
Since ages the traditional image of love is engraved in our hearts - 'One prince charming, one love and happily ever after'! This works well sometimes, but if your partner has no value for your love and care, nor the respect for your efforts in the relationship, all YOU will ever do is 'give selflessly', while all HE will ever do is 'take it for granted'!
The Deadbeat Definition and Signs
We are talking about a boyfriend who is a deadbeat. A total loser, where you are the only one taking care of him, his needs and the relationship too. Deadbeat cannot have a single definition. It addresses men who are lazy heads, irresponsible, controlling, abusive (physically and emotionally), they have no respect for your love and what you do for them. They complain, give fragile reasons for no work, and do not help you even in house chores.
Such men have no jobs and no ambition in life. They survive on their partner's earnings, without the slightest guilt. Moreover, these men are bullies, introverts, sometimes even womanizers. They take advantage of your emotional chord and get things done their way, they are the ones who know, "No matter what I do, she will still love me". They do not contribute in the finances, all they do is sit at home and laze around. And of course, enjoy with the money that you earn by sweating it out to make ends meet!
If he is taking advantage of your love, is not being a responsible or a mature individual, it is time you wake him up from dreaming free of cost! You love him and really want him. But how much of your true love does he deserve. He cannot use your love as a safety net and be a complete dumb head. If your guy falls in any of these categories (Analyze and be honest, be practical when judging him), it is your responsibility to get him on track and continue the relation with dignity and self respect. A few tips on handling a deadbeat boyfriend are listed below.
How to Deal with a Deadbeat Boyfriend
Well, I know it can get tough to be stern and rude for some crazy in love. But you will have to take major and strict action against your good-for-nothing boyfriend. Here is some troubleshooting advice
- First of all understand the reason for his deadbeat behavior. Was he always like this or something is compelling him to be this way. Talk things out to him and explain how this is affecting you physically, emotionally and financially too.
- Chalk out a plan for improvement, discuss his studies or career with him. Know what he is interested in, and wants to pursue. If you can see a silver lining there, encourage him for better and see how it works.
- Give him a buffer time to get things sorted and straight. Be stern and reasonable. Tel him this attitude is not acceptable and he needs to change his behavior socially and personally towards you and treat you with respect.
- Finances are the most important part that needs to be discussed. When he is deadbeat, it is most likely that he is living of your earnings. Give him a blunt proposal. If you are sharing the place, he needs to take care of half the expenses. You can divide the bills and other expenses.
- If he is a part timer give him the smaller burden of expenses, but let him know nothing comes for free. If he is studying, he is very likely to use it as an excuse for not working. Persuade him to at least find an internship or a part-time job, that can take care of his needs.
- If he is a full-time professional, there cannot be any compromise on the finances. He has to bear an equal share (or more) of expenses. Ask him to share household work as well. Whatever he is comfortable with, be it cooking, doing the laundry or the dishes. Get him off the couch, if possible cut off your cable and Internet subscriptions, let him know what life is without your support.
- Stop falling prey to his sugar-coated words that melt you. The point is, he knows your weakness and will use it as weapon each time. Do not fall for this trap, it may be tough in the beginning. But girl, if you want this to work, there is no escape to the practical outlook, no matter how emotional and sensitive you are for him.
- If he is abusive, take social help. Talk these issues with a counselor to tackle emotional trauma. If he abuses you physically, call for help. Pronto. Contact social services or the police for help. This should awaken his sluggish mind.
- If nothing works and your boyfriend does not show even the slightest of change, give him an ultimatum! Just get rid of him, dump him! If he stays in your house, ask him to leave. Change all the locks on the door, change your number if possible.
- In extreme cases, the police will have to intervene to get rid of this trash you were nourishing for free. It sounds harsh, but remember he is not worthy of all your love. 'HE' has compelled you to take this harsh step. So throw him out of your life.
If it sounds tough, ask yourself a question. Do you really deserve all this? Did he even give back little of what you did for him? You will get your answer. Well, nobody fancies a break up. But dragging the relationship and tolerating a deadbeat boyfriend is wrong. Be strong and I mean it, 'be really strong'. Deadbeats are experts at manipulation, do not let them rot your life. Listen to that inner feeling, do not avoid it just because you fear losing him. Hope all gets well soon. All the best!