... and so, the ecstasy meets its silent grave. Somehow, I could never figure out what is it like to think about setting apart from a person you've spent a lifetime with. People love, they expect, they're heart-broken, they recuperate, just to expect again, and one day, when they've had enough, they let go. I may no more be a tyro in talking relationships (I'm a pro in trashing all), but in no way was I able to answer as to why people think of separating in a relationship that they lettered 'for eternity' on, the moment they said 'I do'. What's stronger? Mind or heart? Perhaps, mind, this time. All this while, you created a lifetime of memories because your heart wanted to. But when, good times asked for a leave, your mind hovered, and you let go. This doesn't make up for a satisfactory answer, or does it?
For all one knows, the worst situations in life are the ones you're least prepared for. When hardships rear their ugly heads, depression wreaks mayhem, the polish seems to tarnish, and you decide - to call it quits. And such that the 'eternally-together' couple raises a white flag against the different plans that the circus called life had. While many start looking at life by shutting their eyes forever, many take that big (read: gutsy) step, and part ways. Do I sound cynical? My apologies.
However, the truth is, relationship issues crop up, in every damn relationship on this earth, but they needn't signal the end, always. All turns into a fairplay, when one gets the picture of the way their significant other is wired, and so, cracks fill up by themselves, and signs or reasons for divorce or separation, whether justified or not, vanish. Know exactly when it's time for a divorce, and take a step behind, if your secret self permits, because the only perfect relationships are the ones that don't give a darn to perfection.
Knowing When it's Time for a Divorce
Right from the onset, I have been emphasizing more on saving yourself from thinking about parting ways, or let's just be frank, divorce. The reason? With a divorce comes great individual responsibility - your kids (if any), your family, and a life without someone you once used to count on. Therefore, as I point out the signs that are headed for divorce, think less about confirming it, and more about working in favor of your relationship. Agreed, so much hurt has been bred, that all one can think about how to move out, since, the ongoing battles and battle scars are heading you both to nowhere, and so, divorce is imminent. Following are the signs that make divorce a possibility:
An Urge to Live a Life on Your Own
Waging a daily war with your spouse may leave you thinking that it'd be better had you been living alone. When constant disagreements and strife make you plan a life of your own in your mind, you know your relationship is exposed to danger. During the course of time, you realize that when he's hurt, you don't feel the pain. When he works overtime, you don't wait for him to come back. Worst, you don't care the number of women he meets everyday. The reason is you lack personal attachment to him, and don't want to continue living in the same house. And if you're not willing to work upon it, perhaps, it's time to part ways.
The Unbelievable Amount of Negativity
Yes, you both talk at times. However, it spells so much negativity in your relationship and around that you feel like running away from here, forever. The bad soon overpowers the good in your marriage, and it stays there, even after repeated attempts of fixing it. If such be the case, stop for a while, and examine your actions. Are you on a mission to let your partner down, always? Do you always belittle them, and curse yourself for being with them? There are wounds that the relationship gave you, and they never seem to heal. Are you always on a constant spree to degrade your relationship, and never want to work things out? Well, it's time for divorce.
The Lost Physical Attraction
She dresses like a babe, and he dresses like a hunk. The tux complements his gelled hair, and her stilettos are a perfect choice with that red halter. But who's to see? Neither of them finds each other sexy enough to exchange a word of praise. After all, words of anger replaced 'em all. It's astonishing to see how couples grow apart so much, that even when they're living under the same roof, they don't seem to pay heed to what their partner is up to. The wife is replaced by the laptop, and no matter how much she makes an effort to get noticed, you don't find her attractive at all, let alone make love with her for the same. The marriage no more owns that fire or sexual intimacy it once had, and you seem to overlook even the most noticeable changes in your spouse. If this isn't a sign you want to part ways, no idea what is.
It's Kids that Make You Hold On to It
What's worse than shouting at the top of your voice on your partner in front of the little ones? What's the use of staying in a relationship which lacks everything, but since, you're too afraid of change, you seem to continue, only because the future of your children are at stake? In my view, had you been concerned about your kids' future, you would've never made your squabbles with your partner so obvious. When you see the performance of your kids in school drops down ounces as a result of the constant conflicts they see at home, you know this isn't working, and that you need to take the road totally opposite from your partner to work in favor of your kids' brighter future.
There is no relationship issue that cannot be dealt with, and divorce, is no solution for all of 'em. At times, you might break down, and shrug, saying it's over. However, the truth is, once you're divorced, there is no looking back, and the only way is to move on. If you've never lived without your spouse, give yourself a break, go on a vacation, take up a job in a different city. This will help you find who you are outside the both of you, and you can figure out whether you can really think of a life without your partner. And if the ache of going East while your partner's in the West is bearable, it's time you stop making a run at it, and part ways. Forever.