Are you afraid of the idea of being with someone for the rest of your life? Does marriage scare you for no definite reason? There must have been a bad experience that has led you to fear marriage. But, it is also not such a smart decision to be alone for the rest of your life. Everybody needs somebody. ‘You can’ overcome the fear of marriage.
Gamophobia. It means the fear of marriage. As a child, did you see your parents entangled in a bad marriage? They fought every day right in your presence, called each other names and finally one day, one of them left, leaving you behind. Is that how you have seen marriage? Or, has your heart been broken too many times by a bunch of douche-bags who couldn’t care less about hurting you? Now, you just won’t commit to anyone because you don’t want to go through the pain of bad marriage and be stuck in it for the rest of your life. May be you haven’t met the right person or despite being in a healthy relationship, something seems amiss and you are subconsciously still on the look out and cannot stop cheating on your partner. Ultimately, it is your fear of matrimony stopping you from tying the knot. Remember, how Julia Roberts in the movie ‘The Runaway Bride’ left four men waiting for her at the altar while she made a beeline for the exit. Is your wedding date approaching soon, and you fancy wearing your running shoes underneath your wedding dress because you may have cold feet? (no pun intended)
Well, the thought of being married to someone for the rest of my life scares me too. I just can’t imagine growing old with someone, happily. But, there have been a lot of things I never imagined doing and I did do them! I think, you and me, we both can overcome the fear of tying the knot. It’s not rocket science, right? Every marriage has problems, but there is a solution to every problem and you can make your marriage last forever. The glass is always half full. It may not be you who is afraid of marriage. It could be your partner. First, to overcome the fear, you need to know who it is. Like any disorder, gamophobia has its symptoms too. Let’s take a look.
Marriage Phobia Symptoms
- Fear of commitment in romantic relationships.
- Feeling of anxiety when you see anything that is related to commitment.
- Heart Palpitations
- Tendency to run away from all conversations regarding marriage.
- Often disconnected in relationships.
- Not willing to take the relationship to the next level.
- Frequent indulgence in casual flings.
- Vague information of future plans to start a family.
- Criticizing the partner for talking about marriage.
- Being unhappy in a healthy relationship.
- Doing hurtful things that show disregard towards the partner’s feelings.
Overcoming the Fear of Tying the Knot
If You Are in a Relationship
★ Know if You Are Really Ready for Marriage
Your relationship may be perfect but there must be something that is still preventing you from saying “I Do”, even though you know it that you are with the person you would like to say it to. Ask yourself, “Would I be in love with this person 20 years down the line?”, “Is there anyone else I believe I would be truly happier with?”, “Is there something that I need to do before I get married?”, “Does my heart feel that I am with the right person?”, “How do I want my life to turn out like 5 years down the line?” and “Am I ready to fulfill my responsibilities as a spouse?”. It will help you know if you are really ready for marriage.
★ Seeking a Marriage Counselor
A lot of people have intimacy issues and these are only psychological. No matter what fear may be holding you back from getting married, you can overcome fear of matrimony by seeking help from a marriage counselor. He/she will help you face your fears by understanding the root cause of your gamophobia and helping you deal with it. You can try talking to a parent or a parent who understands you well and will be able to give you a different perspective on your current situation as well as events from your past that have left such a major impact on you.
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility”. ~ Leo Tolstoy
★ Talk to Your Partner
When you are in a relationship but develop cold feet at the mention of marriage, it is best to talk to your partner and be straight-forward about your situation, else you would be guilty of keeping him/her in the dark. It will help your partner understand from where do your problems stem, your attitude and most importantly, how are you feeling inside about the marriage of institution. It will also be more honest to each other about your expectations from a marriage so you can either decide to work on it or just give it up and move on.
If You Are NOT in a Relationship
★ Seeking a Love Counselor
A counselor can really help you deal with your emotional issues from past incidents in your life and help you understand them better. A step-by-step method to overcome fear of marriage will help you ease the stress of the process of healing and make it a lot easier on you. All you need to do is open up yourself to emotions and fear because that is the best way to deal them. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t be stuck up.
★ Talk to Your Parent
A parent can definitely help you understand why you are feeling the way you feel about marriage, because, they have known you your entire childhood and pretty much aware of all the major incidents on your life. If it was your parents’ bad marriage that has made you afraid of marriage, your parent will be able to explain why things turned out that way for them. A better insight on your parents’ situation will help you avoid it in your marriage and also give you closure. So drop your inhibitions and confront your parent. If that is not an option for you, talking to a friend who has known you for the most part of your life will also help. They may even help you step in to the dating world again.
“If men could be contented to be what they are, there were no fear in marriage.” ~ William Shakespeare, All’s Well That Ends Well
May be you were left at the altar, like the character Ted Mosby from the popular sitcom How I Met Your Mother, or may be you caught your fiance cheating on you. Perhaps, it has now become a case of sour grapes for you, but life doesn’t stop at one bad experience. It can be hard in today’s world to find love and be sure that your partner is not going to hurt you in any way. But, if you have love, don’t let it go away. If you don’t have it like me, just keep your fingers crossed and hope to find it soon. We all deserve to be loved and have someone by our side when we grow old, when our parents are gone, our friends are gone and our children too busy in their own lives. You need someone you can count on. Marriage is like sealing the deal on a relationship with wedding bands that say, “Till death do us part”. We see so many marriages crumbling like a cookie around us, but, don’t let someone else’s bad experience stop you from walking down the aisle. You can have a healthy marriage. Divorce rates are at an all time high, but you are not necessarily going to be a part of those statistics.